


Versus

by Anubis_and_Lethal



Category: Original Work
Genre: Dead Parents, F/M, Gay Male Character, Gen, High School, Homophobic Language, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Murder, Original Character Death(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suicide, Superheroes, Villains
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 18:19:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 45,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7233511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anubis_and_Lethal/pseuds/Anubis_and_Lethal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would you do if you found out that your entire life has been leading to you to a certain point? Kieran is the judge and jury for his best friend's targets, which happens to include everyone, but then things get too deep into his personal life. His brother's the villain and he is forced to get help from risky people outside of his town, but is his brother the only villain he must face?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Goodbye, Mother

**Author's Note:**

> This is all a work in progress! The only person really reading it and finding errors is me, so if you find any it would be appreciated if I was told.

A woman named Bethany slowly rocked in her favorite chair. It had been a gift from her mother. She was currently waiting for her husband Albert to get home. When she heard the door creak open, a smile played at her lips. She had always been joyous when her husband was around, especially when he tried to be sneaky. The only thing the concerned her was the lack of yelling from her two sons, Kieran and Zachary; they weren’t exactly kids anymore, but they still acted like it.

“Honey, you were always terrible at sneaking up on me. Did you not remember the door squeaked?” she pondered aloud. The hand at the door flinched away and she tilted her head curiously, “No need to be afraid, dear. I'm not upset.” 

When the man finally opened the door completely, she recognized him as the kid down the block and she felt she needed to correct herself, “Sorry, darling. I mistook you for my husband. He's down at the ol’ shop.” Her playful smile fell into one of concern when she saw a shiny object behind his back. “Is that a gift for me?” she wondered. “You didn't need to.” 

Instead of a present, the kid pulled out a gun shakily. “I'm gonna take some food, and you aren't going to stop me. Got that?” he questioned her. She nodded slowly. 

“I’ll carry some of the food if you need. We make plenty of money, I could share.” She stood up slowly to make her way over to the kitchen and the kid flinched, accidentally pulling the trigger. The pain when the bullet hit her was unimaginable, but she didn't scream. She looked down and watched as the blood spread down her clothes before smiling sadly. “It's not your fault,” she told him weakly. “I shouldn't have gotten up so quickly.” And with that, she promptly collapsed. Dead.


	2. What The Heck, Arian?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been awhile!!

I took a breath, leaned back in a wooden rocking chair, and closed my eyes.  _ Why am I here?  _ I opened my eyes to see a wooden dresser that was in my house, but the dresser was not mine. It was my mother's.  _ Why are we here?  _ My cat, Nubbs, meowed quietly and rubbed her head against my legs happily. My mother died in this chair, and not the kind of died in her sleep death, no, a brutal death that left stains of blood on the wooden chair I was rocking in. I loved her; the only source of attention for me. And now it was my duty to give everything to my brother.  _ Why us? _ My dad died in this chair, and it still wasn't something I can believe. My parents were both dead, because someone decided to go through our stuff and my mother was the only one home. Because some kid needed food and he was afraid my mother wasn't a nice women. She would've given him anything, but he had to go and kill her. Before she even saw him, and I bet when she was dying, she told him it was okay. My parents were both dead because my family had to come home to see her murdered in this rocking chair and my dad had to bury her. We never had much money after she left; sometimes we didn't eat. My dad was never the same. He wouldn't respond to me when I would ask questions and always had bags under his eyes. I sometimes noticed him carrying a flask to work. Maybe that was why he got fired so often.

 

He killed himself in this chair a year later, leaving my brother and I to fend for ourselves. The only good thing is that I was old enough to own this house; this stupid murder house. The only house we ever knew. I couldn't imagine living in another house even if we were forced to. We couldn't survive foster care if they put us in the system. I wouldn't have survived foster care. I would’ve ended up just like my father without a worry my brother would suffer. Everytime I picture going to foster care I get filled with rage. I knew if I went, I'd put up a fight and then end up dead. It almost made me laugh, imagining the looks on their faces if they found me. I'd like to imagine that they’d know the blood was on their hands. Maybe I’d leave a note.  _ If you would’ve just left us alone, this wouldn’t have happened; the blood’s on your hands, _ it would read. Even if I didn't end up that way, no one wants to adopt kids who are almost adults. No one wants us, not even our own father. 

 

I hear the door down the hallway click open and I immediately know it's my brother coming from the guest room. The only room not tainted by our past. The walls white as snow and fake tile so cold it might as well be concrete. The room was a clean slate, and it belongs to my brother because he's younger and deserves to be okay. Not messed up like me or my father. He deserves to grow up like my mother, sweet and kind, but maybe his kindness won't be abused and he'll survive. He'll have a family that loves him that he made on his own, not me. I shouldn't be his brother. If I didn't have him here and I didn't need to take care of him, I'd leave in a second. Like my father. I'm the spitting image of my father. Unruly, thick, blonde hair, blue eyes, and freckles. I even had his height, and apparently, his mental stability. I stuffed everything I feel down: the way I no longer feel safe in this house, how sad I still am after their deaths, my frustration that I have to take care of my brother, and finally, who I love. I can't love. The only person I am allowed to love is my mother and brother. I cannot look at anyone else. It would take my attention away from Zachary. My brother can afford to feel, but I can't, in fear of people leaving, of my brother not being okay. 

 

It's almost amusing to think about how I look like my father and how my brother looks like my mother; dark brown hair that seems to do exactly what he wants, hazel eyes that seemed to have the spectrum of the rainbow in it, and even the lightly tanned skin from spending time outside often. Maybe he looked like her because he was meant to be just like her. Sweet and caring. He had already started taking care of her plants that she left behind when she died, it was only a matter of time before he would be old enough to abandon me, but he wouldn't do that if he was just like her. He'd stay until he knew someone cared about me besides him.

 

As my brother rounded the corner, interrupting my thoughts, he said, “I don't see why you insist we keep that lousy chair,” and for the first time, I didn't have an answer. There were specks of blood on the chair that didn't come off no matter how hard you scrubbed and it squeaked every time I would lean back to rock. The chair was probably the least valuable thing in the house, but what can I say, it feels wrong to get rid of it. Like if I abandon it, I'm cutting a part of myself away, or at least whatever’s left. The chair is a part of me and I can't let it go. I've always loved the unique design and it was my mother's favorite chair. It felt wrong to know my dad and that thief polluted the chair with blood. I almost hated them for it, but my mother would tell me it doesn't matter. They were doing what they thought was best, even if it was clearly not the best option. Again, my brain had started working and I was deep in thought. Good thing my brother knew how quickly I could disappear in my mind, because it's embarrassing when a teacher has to snap his fingers in front of my face and think I’m daydreaming about girls. Teachers have silly ideas like that. 

 

My brother looked at my with an amused expression.“Hey, Kieran, please tell me you're not thinking of ways to get rid of it right now, because we can do that another morning when we don't have school.”

 

That finally got my attention away from my parents and the chair and my degrading mental health. We had school, but I thought it was Sunday? I looked over at the calendar and I could heard my brother chuckling. _Rude,_ I couldn’t help thinking. The calendar read Tuesday, which meant that we would've had school yesterday, but I couldn't recall going. “I don't remember there being school yesterday,” I said slowly, already very confused and trying to process if this could be a joke. Did I skip?

 

Zachary laughed again and I suddenly felt angry because this wasn't a funny situation, but I pushed the anger down like my mother would’ve wished. “Remember, you told me to go without you and then you missed the bus? You said you didn't feel well and passed out on the couch.”  _ Oh. Well if I wasn't feeling well...but I think I would remember feeling that sick. _

 

“Actually, I don't remember... What time is it? How long until the bus comes?” I asked, suddenly a bit less confused because I had an explanation, no matter how much I didn’t believe it. Actually, it wasn’t that I couldn't believe it, it was more that I was frustrated at not remembering so I was doubting my brother.

 

Zachary laughed for the third time, and I made an annoyed expression, “About… 5 minutes, give or take.” I glanced out the window as if I could see the bus coming, but that would be silly. If I could, the bus would obviously would be here sooner than 5 minutes.

 

“You couldn't have mentioned this sooner?”

 

Zachary finally stopped laughing, which was pretty great, “I thought you knew it was a school day, I mean, you look dressed. You  _ do  _ have the school's uniform on.” 

 

I looked down to see if he was lying. He was not. I had on a uniform, not the boy's uniform, but the girl's. Today was a spirit day, and we had to dress like the opposite gender. I didn't remember putting on the dress, but if I did manage to put it on, that meant I had remembered earlier. While other guys refused to participate or wore just long skirts and plain shirts, I was wearing a dress. The dress was barely acceptable since it was hard to find a dress for my height, so the dress landed about a centimeter above my knees. The dress was also my favorite color, green, because our school’s colors are green, white, and purple, I just managed to find an older uniform that was a dark green and had a belt wrapped around the waist. I don't know how I forgot since the dress hugged my figure tighter than I would’ve liked, but somehow I did. I was forgetting a lot recently. 

 

“...Yeah, I guess I do. And you're going in that?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at his white shirt with the school’s logo tucked into his short purple skirt. “The skirt is too short, you're showing off too much leg. Mr. Smith is gonna stare you down all day, you know how he is,” I said with a bit of concern. I knew he was pretty strict with guidelines, but last year when he complained, the school told him that it's a day for fun, not rules. I found it pretty hilarious.

 

Now it was my brother's turn to raise an eyebrow, “I've heard the rumors. He's gay, not a pervert. Are you calling yourself a pervert?” 

 

I groaned, mostly upset that he was assuming the wrong thing. That was not what I meant. I willed myself not to blush when I responded, “Okay, first of all, I'm not gay. I'm just too busy dealing with you to date anyone. If I wanted to date someone, they’d take time away from all the jobs I have to do to keep you fed,” I paused. I knew I was lying through my teeth, but hopefully Zach didn’t. The only true part I said is that I’m too busy dealing with him. I wanted to be as normal as I could. I'm just here; Zachary is the one with the future. If I wanted a future, I should’ve been a better son, then dad wouldn’t be dead. I could’ve got him the help he needed when I saw the signs, but children are like that. Innocent. I continued, “Second, you didn't see how he looked at me last year, he even gave me special treatment when I had my growth spurt and my uniform didn't fit me.” I had lied again. The only truth was about my clothes not fitting after my growth spurt. We couldn't afford to buy another uniform at the time. I probably needed to go to therapy for my lack of enthusiasm for being assigned to my little brother. People are assigned things all the time. I should suck it up and be happy.

 

Zach looked uncertain, as if he bought my lie. I knew he didn't. When he spoke, his voice made me believe he bought my lie for a second even though I knew he was acting, “If you say so, but it's too late to change now. The bus should be here any minute.” He paused, not sure if he should continue, “What about your friend, Arian? I've seen the way you two interact… It just kind of seems like you're dating.” I used my foot to rock the chair backwards, and the chair squeaked. I knew what he was talking about, but he still was off. We weren't dating, just close friends. And Arian wasn't like that even if I was. He came into the school sometime last year. I had given him the ropes and we just seemed to click. He seemed off at first, but I put it off. He was new. New kids act oddly.

 

The house made a sound like it was shaking and I immediately knew the bus was coming. “Well, we aren't. Anyways, bus is coming, I can hear it coming. We better leave. Don't tell me I didn't warn you.” I let the chair rock forward and squeak again before standing up and walking over to the door in the kitchen and opening it. When I walked outside, the heat hit me and I was grateful for the dress I was wearing, but I didn't have enough time to lose myself in my thoughts about the heat because the bus was coming. I had to walk quickly to the edge of our yard and hope Zach closed the door. I looked back; it was closed and Zach was right behind me.

 

As soon as we reached the end of the yard, the bus stopped in front of us and I coughed on the gravel dust. Gravel dust was honestly a problem people who lived in town would never get. Cars drive down the road, you cross the road, then guess what? You feel like you're dying. Watering eyes and choking on dust particles. The doors swung open and the bus driver looked at us, as if expecting us to pay him as we made our way up the steps. The school pays him, we don't, which was amazing because the school didn't exactly have much money even though people bought expensive new uniforms almost every week. I chose a seat behind the bus driver, my brother sat in the very back, and we went on our way to the next stop.

 

When we got to school, the first thing I noticed was that Arian was acting off. He would look around quickly every few seconds as if expecting to be attacked at any moment. It was an amusing thought. The school didn't condone violence and most people were too afraid of the punishments to actually do something. The biggest event from last year was when a freshman decided it was a bright idea to smoke in the bathroom. The smell attracted the attention from teachers almost immediately and they dragged him out of the school. I can't remember seeing him after that. Maybe he dropped out. Back to my best friend acting like it was the end of the world. He seemed to panic every time someone walked by. I'd question him about it later.

 

Later didn't come. Almost immediately after thinking about questioning him later, he dragged me to the bathroom. I wanted to get to class, after all, Mr. Smith was pretty strict. Arian closed the bathroom door behind us and locked it before looking at me. He spoke quicker than his usual happy-go-lucky self, which was unusual when not many people could speak faster than him and I thought he couldn't speak any faster, “I shouldn't be doing this here, but I can't wait any longer. I'm not Arian, alright? I mean, yeah, that's what it says on the papers I sent in to the school to get enrolled last year, but it's not my name.” I heard a pen drop from my bag as the silence passed between us, probably waiting for the information to sink in, and I couldn't help relating to it. This was some big news. I thought he never lied to me. Before I could open my mouth to respond, he continued, “My name is Osiris. I came here to find my partner. I needed someone to connect to. The last guy wasn't exactly stable.” Arian-- no, Osiris laughed awkwardly. 

 

I frowned. “What makes you think I'm more stable than him? I’ve all this stuff on my plate, which you know about because I've been completely honest. And that's something coming from me because I lie to everyone. I can't not lie. Lying is my thing.” 

 

He seemed taken aback by my response as if he forgot everything I ever mentioned to him confidentially, like my dark thoughts or my father’s suicide. I was not mentally stable. “You're not him. You're dealing with stuff and trying to keep everything together. I need someone like that. That's why this is important. You need to listen to me, Anubis,” he said desperately. When he said Anubis like it was my name, I felt slightly insulted. My name was Kieran, not some goth name like Anubis. Wasn't he some jackal god or something? I saw the bathroom light flicker and I looked back at him. “This is a matter of life and death. I can't explain right now. Just take this mask and it'll click in place.” He unbuckled his backpack and shoved a gruesome mask towards me. I winced. It was ugly and pretty scary. He must've sensed my reluctance because he shoved it in my own bag before I could react and then he walked out, leaving me to wonder what the heck just happened.

 

In first period I usually sat next to Arian, but he wasn't there. I still didn't believe he was this Osiris guy. I had them separated in my mind. Friendly, hyper, good Arian and scary, intense Osiris. They were so vastly different in personality. Maybe Arian had some sort of evil twin. I slightly hoped that was the case, after all, if it wasn't, that meant I had lost my best friend, not to mention my only friend. Or maybe they weren't too different and we could get along. Whatever the case was, I was confused and unsure about what I should do. I should probably get rid of the mask, but it seemed to have some sort of grasp on me as if I was wanting myself to believe Osiris because he wore the same face as Arian. 

 

Mr. Smith suddenly walked into the class, more annoyed than usual. It was probably because of what spirit day it was. I almost wanted to stand up and bow to him in my green dress to annoy him even more, but I knew he'd have no problem telling me to sit down and make the week awful. I watched him write down the same equation we had learned last year and I groaned with a few others. I hated the pythagorean theorem. It was simple, and honestly? Teaching it to us every year wasn't going to help the people who didn't want to learn. 

 

“A squared, plus b squared, equals c squared,” he told the class. A few more people groaned. I was one of them. Expressing my distaste for his teaching alone was one of the ways to get on his bad side. I knew. It happened last year. But expressing distaste with the class was different, because even though it seemed like he tried to be a mean teacher, he was still a human being. Human beings do not want entire classes of students after school because they disagreed with them. Human beings are selfish. They do things to make life good for themselves. Mr. Smith turned around and glared at me. I was the only one with my notebook still shut. I had taken notes a month before, and even the month before that. I doubted I needed more notes.

 

The rest of school went rather smoothly, except for lunch when my Zach decided to bring up Arian. 

 

_ “Where is he?” he asked. I frowned. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't know where he was and apparently he didn't exist either. For now I wanted to avoid thinking about him. I'd deal with everything tomorrow. _

 

_ I stabbed a carrot with my fork and glared, “If I knew, I'd tell you. I'm not his babysitter.”  _

 

_ He went silent for several moments before replying to me, “...Well, sometimes it seems like you are.” And with that, he left, leaving me with my thoughts. _

  
I hadn't seen my brother since. I assumed he was hanging out with his group of friends. He didn't need me around anyways. Talking to me was practically social suicide, but he didn't care. Arian didn't care either, but apparently he was using me. Isn't life great like that? Finding people who you deem are selfless, but turn out to be selfish; using you for their own gain. They're smart. They're sly. They act in a way that makes you believe everything they say. And then they destroy you. I had just hoped I wouldn't be destroyed so soon. I had assumed it would be after Zach had left, not during the confusing years of high school when social status seemed more important than your actual friends. I had assumed no one would risk going so low as to getting me to open up while destroying everything they could have. Turns out I was wrong.


	3. Suck It Up

It had been a week since I found out I was being lied to by Arian. Things came to my mind in splotches of red. I felt sick. I knew I threw up constantly due to the vivid images of people dying and offing themselves. 

 

_ A woman with long brown hair cried softly, and held a silver pistol to her head. I saw her write a note with her left hand before pulling the trigger. Blood splattered onto the note and the walls. _

 

_ A man with medium blonde hair and a scratchy beard sat at the top of a tall building, chatting with another man. The other man had hair so short it seemed like he was bald. His hazel eyes seemed to reflect the light from a streetlight down below. They seemed to be talking casually, but they weren't, they were just talking quietly. Then things became more violent. They started yelling. The almost-bald man was frustrated. He shoved his partner off the building and he fell, hitting the ground with a light thud and then bleeding out on the pavement. _

 

I would look in the mirror and not recognize myself. I was paler than normal and even slightly blue. I had bags under my eyes. My teeth grew yellower from the vomit. When I met Arian, I thought he was a blessing. And once again I was wrong. He was a curse. A stain on my life I couldn't scrub or bleach away. 

  
I started to cry. I couldn't contain the pain anymore. I was betrayed.  _ I'm dying _ . I thought helplessly. It would've been a pleasant thought if it wasn't so painful to go through. I wanted to scratch the images from my brain to be at peace for a single second. I looked around at the bathroom I was in. The broken tiles I sat in awkwardly pushed into my legs and the extreme whiteness of the room made me feel even more sick. I glanced at myself in the bathroom mirror. My hair was sticking up at odd angles and my eyes looked lifeless. I might as well have been a corpse. I felt the tears finally drip down my chin and onto my legs before I felt a tug on my stomach and I threw up again. The acid burned my throat more and more each time.  _ Suck it up.  _ I thought helplessly. I couldn't suck it up. This was too much to bear.


	4. Life Sucks

I had missed school for a month. I barely even saw my brother anymore. The only good thing was that I had stopped throwing up. It was probably because I could barely find things to keep down. By now, I'm sure my boss had left a message on my phone about me being fired. I was sure we were running out of money. I'd probably have to drop out of school or try to graduate early. I was 18. I could take my GED before the end of the year. I would make sure we would be okay.  _ But I won't be okay. It'll be a ruse.  _


	5. Life Doesn't Matter

It's been two months since I've been to school, and I couldn't care less anymore. If I had to repeat this school year, so what? I still had my negative emotions about what I'd been technically forced into, but I was mainly over it. But that didn't seem to stop me from crying when I found out the bad things my brother had done. It wasn’t by someone telling me that he was a jackal, and not just any jackal; he was The Jackal, the leader of the pack of murderers and thieves. I found out through my visions. They never stopped, although they were mostly done with people dying, I still saw everything. I saw people steal. I saw people to so many sinful things, but when I saw him, I recognized him instantly.  He was supposed to be the innocent one. I had sacrificed so much for him and this was how he repaid me? With being a murderer who might have used me just liked Osiris. Great. I was crying again. It was something I seemed to do a lot. Cry. It didn't even mean anything at this point. 


	6. My Brother Is An Asshole

The sirens roar in the distance yet I am here crying. I'm here in my pajamas and yet I can hear the screams and wails. Why? I can feel the people like me cry out because they can't do anything but watch people suffer. And here I am; able to do something and not doing anything. I cry and bite my tongue to keep myself from being audible as a gunshot echoes in the distance and I see someone fall to the ground through my window. Why am I even crying? Is it the fright of being in pain or the anger I feel towards myself for doing nothing? Or is it both? I'm a coward. I lie to myself to keep myself from doing what I should. I should go out there and stop the violence, and if I die? At least I tried. I have more of a chance than they do, and I'm locking myself in my room to avoid doing what I should. Because I'm scared. Not scared of people knowing I'm a coward, but afraid because of the angel's warning telling me they would be afraid. I just want to protect, but I'm a bystander, harming those around me because I refuse to help. 

 

I'm Anubis and my angel is Osiris. He is death and I am balance. He causes pain and suffering even if he doesn't want to, and I'm the person who has the power to stop him. And yet I don't. I have the final say, but I say I don't care. Osiris keeps me alive so I can balance the world out, but all I do is fight a meaningless battle against violent dogs. And we live in a meaningless cycle of me dying and Osiris reviving me because I'm meant to stop the Jackal. My brother is a jackal who fights for the world to change to suit him, and I'm a jackal who fights to better the world for everyone. We are the same, yet so different. I'm a hero, and he is a villain, but we were raised the same way. People say a villain is made into a villain, but that isn't a true. A villain is a villain. They're born a villain and they die a villain. They're always looking for excuses to push themselves over the edge. And he found one.

 

Death is part of nature. You can't have something live while others die without a reason. Everything dies eventually, and I know eventually I'll die too, for even if Osiris wants me alive, he'll have to join me in death eventually. Someone will take my place, and someone will take his. People will forget us and remember the new while the new suffer to control what is unknown to them. They won't understand their abilities and they'll be looked upon as freaks, like us. People will blame them and despise them and they'll have to ignore it because they were chosen to follow the path of history. History can change, but it can't always be rewritten.

 

Since the dawn of time, people have hated Osiris for taking their loved ones, but if those loved ones stay, someone else's loved ones must die. It's the cycle of things. Sometimes people would blame Osiris for all the deaths, or plagues like the Black Death. But it's our fault; the people who balance it out. We were meant to stop all the death; we were meant to balance. But we never balance anything out. We're too hidden inside our own little worlds we ignore the rest of the world's pain and suffering. Before me, there were ones who weren't locked away, but they made Osiris angry. They tilted the odds in the favor of their life and left Osiris to create natural disasters and fix the balance. He was searching for someone to be perfect and actually balance things out. And he finally found them, and he's trying to push them out into the public. Another gunshot rings out and I cover my ears and whimper, but despite the tears rolling down my face and my fear to be the next Anubis, I stand up. Because I know what I have to do. I have to stop the one who's causing all this death. The Jackal.

 

Another person falls to the ground outside my window and I grab the leather mask stained with blood that Osiris gave me when we met. It's a horrific mask to look at; with its crossed out eyes and screaming mouth. It's the embodiment of pain and suffering, and it hurts me to stare, knowing it's mine and that there's actual human blood on it. It was created when Osiris first set foot on Earth to hide his partner's identity; and every year that someone was chosen to be the Anubis, they would have to add their blood. It was a commitment.

 

I huffed and looked around for the needle he handed me when he told me I was his choice. If I drew blood, I couldn't back out. I shivered as I spotted the needle on my dresser. If I chose to do this, I was agreeing to be bound to Osiris for the rest of my life. It wasn't that I would be immortal, but I'd live till I was meant to die, as if someone else took this job and not me. I could live another year, I could live 100. No one knows, except Osiris. If I died before I was meant to die, I'd be revived, but that didn't mean it wouldn't hurt. Bullet to the head? Headache. Shot in the heart? Heart burn for an hour. I was safe, but I wasn't. I know when others are meant to die, but not myself. It was slightly thrilling.

 

I walked over to the dresser and took a deep breath. I had already made up my mind. A third gunshot rang out and I jumped as I pricked my finger. It was captivating to see how much blood actually bled out, but I couldn't stare too long; I had a commitment to make and a job to do. I smeared my blood against the eye on the mask and took another deep breath as what I did finally sunk in. This wasn't my life anymore. I had to follow whatever Osiris said, and he would follow whatever I say. I could still live out my life as a normal person would, but I wouldn't be able to actually live it. It would be like watching a play of how my life was meant to go instead of actually living it. It was what was meant to happen, but won't because of the choice I made.

 

I slid on the mask, and it seemed to stay there. I didn't spend much time wondering about it though; I could do that after I stopped the Jackal’s plans for tonight. I grabbed my green scarf and wrapped it around my neck; too cold outside to go without it. I pulled it tight and quickly put on gloves in case I would need to touch things. I couldn't leave fingerprints. Fingerprints meant my identity would be revealed and my brother would know who the Anubis is. I had the advantage to know he was Jackal, but if he found out, he'd scream it from the rooftops. I wouldn't be safe, yet he would be perfectly safe because I'm the only one who knows who he is besides Osiris. I wouldn't put him in danger like that. I still loved him. And he only had a week to live, whether from my own hand or someone else's. I couldn't imagine myself killing him, but there was still a week for damage to be done. He could do it in a day if he wanted to.

 

I took a deep breath and let it out before grabbing the doorknob to my room and turning to ever so slightly, as if I still had a choice to whether or not I would have to walk out of the room. I didn't have the choice anymore, but I was still frightened. Even if I had agreed to not make my own choices anymore, I still had feelings. The door opened with a click and I jumped, afraid it was another gunshot. As I made my way down the hall and to the front door, I heard two more gunshots quickly after another. I whimpered, but opened the front door anyways and made my way outside. 

 

There I saw him, my brother, atop the hood of a red truck barking orders at his followers. He was the only one wearing a mask. It was in the shape of a diamond and had a mean expression. Two ears dangled beside the mask and blew in the wind. I would've thought he'd be annoyed. He seemed to live off it. Two followers were at his right side, five at his right, two in the front and one driving the car and they listened to his every word despite the chaos and noise they made. I could barely hear what he was saying, but I could see his outstretched arm pointing at the civilians and the two in front aiming before shooting. Why did he think this was even necessary? I couldn't see the point. Maybe he just enjoyed it, but I doubted he was that evil.  _ Yet I thought he was the innocent one. _

 

I felt the rage inside me build. I wanted to punch something. I wanted to destroy. I wanted Zach to know how much I was suffering. If he didn't think this was necessary then I wouldn't be Anubis and Arian would just be Arian. It was all his fault and I wanted him to know it. I screamed a few choice words my mother wouldn't have approved of, and pulled out a gun I had managed to sneak away from him yesterday for my protection. If he thought this was necessary, then I needed protection for when it all backfired, but now? Now he was the one who needed protection from me. I wouldn't kill him, but I'd make him suffer. 

 

I ran over to him quickly, shooting aimlessly. I was never very good at firing a gun in the first place, but since I was angry it was even worse than I imagined. I didn't care though. I would hurt him with my hands when he got close. Guns weren't my strong point, but fists were. I would make sure he would have a black eye when he woke up if not a bullet hole or two. I got my wish when I watched a bullet hit his shoulder and him stumble back. “You fucking lied to me,” I screamed. I shot one of his goons in the head and I suddenly knew I was getting better, but I didn't know why. Maybe it was some special skill I had awoken to. The guy I shot bled and bled and bled. I grinned devilishly and turned my head as I heard a click from a gun behind me. I immediately turned my body around and shot him, this time in the heart. I started laughing, spinning in a circle as I continued to shoot, but my laughter came to an end when my gun gave an empty echo of a click. I ran out of bullets. I turned towards my brother after assessing all of his people were dead and I raised my fist. When my fist collided with face, he fell down and his mask fell off. I grabbed a gun from the ground and hit him hard in the head with it. “You caused this,” I told him as I stared at his bloodied face.

 

Jackal started laughing, to the point I thought he should've called himself Hyena instead of Jackal. He raised his hand and smeared the blood across his face. I had to stop. This was my  _ brother _ . I was supposed to  _ protect _ him, not destroy him, but at the same time this was what I signed up for when I took this mask. I was a judge and a jury, and I knew that my brother was guilty. I didn't want to believe it but after seeing his beautiful face under that mask, I couldn't bring back any of my hope he was innocent. He continued laughing before pausing to spit blood at me. He was disrespecting me, but this time he didn't know it was me.  _ Would he disrespect me like this if he knew?  _ I wondered, but deep down I knew he would. “What are you gonna do? Kill me?” he mocked. 

 

“Tempted,” I responded.

  
He started laughing again, “You're not going to kill me. You're too weak.” I wanted to disagree, but he was right. I sensed him fumble for something in his pocket, but it took me too long to realize what it was. It was a gun. He lifted it up and took aim.  _ Lights out.  _ I thought as I heard the echo of the gun and everything went black.


	7. My Brother's Motivation Sucks

Waking up with a headache is terrible because you can't focus on anything. I could sense the objects around me because I still had my mask on, but I couldn't truly focus on what was around me. It was like everything was muffled. It took me focusing on the punching bag behind me to realize I was in the basement of my house, and then it took the AC kicking on and freezing my hands to realize I was also wearing handcuffs. I groaned as I heard someone come downstairs, I assumed it was my brother. 

 

A strange noise started to sound and I couldn't focus on what it what, which was making me frustrated, and then my stomach rumbled which was even more frustrating. I finally recognized the sound. My brother was talking. “He's probably at his boyfriend’s house or something, but keep your mouth shut in case he comes back,” he told me. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream, “Here I am!” and blow my cover, but I couldn't, so I kept quiet. Zachary continued, “And if you say anything about him dating a guy, I'll kill you again. I know you who are. My followers told me about you.” I frowned, obviously they didn't know enough, because they didn't tell him my name. “Your name is,”  _ Kieran, your brother, and you're going to let me down and tell me this is a horrible joke _ , “Anubis, and you can't die.”

 

I finally laughed. He had his moment and now I was going to have mine. “Wrong, you're wrong,” I told him. “I can die, you just haven't found my weakness yet.” It was technically a lie, but at the same time it wasn't. He  _ was _ wrong, and I  _ can  _ die, but the reason I hadn't yet is because he hadn't let me die naturally. The way I would've before this mess.

 

He glared, “Yes, but I'm still essentially correct, which makes you a great torture patient. You're going to tell me everything you know about Osiris and everyone who's opposed to me so I can kill them. Without Osiris and his partner, there will be no death in this kingdom of mine.”

 

I made an odd noise at the notion of being tortured. I knew he wasn't innocent anymore, but I still believed he wasn't all bad. If he tortured me then I knew that he was past the point of return. “You wouldn't torture me,” I told him. “Not when you could find out who I am and make my life a living hell.”

 

I sensed that he made an amused smirk, “Good point,” I heard him say. I could barely hear his footsteps when he approached. They were soft echos that disappeared as soon as you heard them. Then he was right next to me, so close that I could feel his breath. He raised his hand and gripped my mask tightly. I tried to tilt my head away from him, but I knew he would recognize me instantly. When he pulled, I felt him struggle, as if the mask was glued to my face. It wasn't. It just rested on my face. I didn't even have it attached to a string. “Magic,” he finally said after letting go of it. “I should've known.” 

 

“Magic?” I asked without thinking.

 

He started laughing, “How stupid are you? How new at this are you?” He started pacing. “ _ Yes, _ ” he said in an exasperated voice, “magic. Why do you think that thing sticks to your face? I should've known Anubis doesn't wear strings. The mask would fall off too easy.” He stopped pacing to look at me. “How long have you been at this? A day? A week? A month?” he continued laughing for a bit longer before waiting for my response.

 

Surprising myself, I responded, “A day, but considering this is tomorrow, two days.” I smiled. 

 

He laughed again, “ _ God _ , you're pathetic. Did he tell you anything? No, I doubt it. He doesn't get close to the people he uses.” He paused. “Do you want to know what my assistants told me about the line of Anubis?” 

 

I cracked a smile, “Assistants? That's what we're calling your minions now? It's not like they're replaceable or anything.”

 

He frowned before cracking his knuckles. He was threatening me, too bad I wasn't afraid. No pain, no gain, right? “My  _ assistants _ ,” he started, with an emphasis on assistants, “are irreplaceable. They get the information I need. They're almost my equals.”  _ Sure, and sun sets in the east.  _ “They told me that he finds people who die young, so he doesn't get attached. There was a woman before you. Her name was Zoey. Do you know how old she was when she got your mask?”

 

I took a guess, “Twenty.”

 

He grinned, “Five. He adopted her and was her father until she died when she was nineteen. Osiris trained her to be a cold blooded killer and let her die. He doesn't care about you. He's just using you.”

 

I would've spit at him like he spit at me, but I couldn't take off my mask since I was handcuffed. Instead, I settled for struggling and trying to get out of them. “I don't care if he's using me. I already agreed. I don't back out of things.”

 

“Neither do I,” he told me. Zach started pacing again. “Do you want to know why I'm doing this?”

 

I shrugged, or at least the best I would do while being handcuffed. “Would be nice,” I responded with a genuine curiosity. I thought I had raised him better than this.

 

“My mother was killed when I was young,” he started. “And then my father killed himself. And then I watched my brother fall into depression. He wouldn't talk to me about his feelings. Sometimes I felt he held himself back because of me. Now he won't even talk to me.” I winced. I hated hearing my brother talk about me like this. I didn't think he noticed. “I thought he hated me my entire life,” he continued. I felt my heart break in two. I didn't mean any of this. I was upset with him because I felt like if I was myself, I would overload him. I held myself back because I was trying to protect him. “And now I know he does.” I wanted to scream that I didn't, but all of this information was still struggling to sink in. I felt like a rag doll. I couldn't do anything. “But he doesn't know what I'm doing for him.”  _ You're not doing anything. You're just a murderer, _ I thought. “I'm protecting him. By having everything under my rule, he won't get hurt. He won't have to protect me anymore.”

 

I couldn't respond at first. He thought he could protect me? He wanted to protect me? He thought I hated him? There were so many new elements in play now. 

 

“Do you understand why I'm doing this now?” he asked.

 

I grimaced, “Never,” was what I managed to say. “If you really loved your brother, you would try to talk to him. You would try to understand him.” It felt weird talking to myself in third person, but I was trying to get him to understand my side of the situation, even if he didn't know who i was under this mask. “He was probably dealing with his own stuff. You can't just leave him alone and expect him to be okay. Look at yourself. Do you see even remotely okay? How would he be? Probably even worse or close to it.” 

 

My brother scoffed, actually scoffed. “And how would you know what he's like? It's not like you have a brother.” 

 

I seethed. He  _ was  _ my brother. I was  _ his  _ brother. I'm almost positive I know how I feel about my own brother. I'm almost positive I know what I’m talking about. “I actually have a brother. He's younger than me and I'm concerned about what he's gotten into,” I told my brother with a bit of amusement. “And before you ask about whether or not I've experienced my parents dying before? Yeah. I have. It sucks, but you have to get by.”

 

Zachary paused everything, his pacing, his talking, everything, but just for a moment. He was thinking. And then he wasn't. “I'm going to leave you here for a bit, let you think about that. Because you don't understand. You don't just  _ deal  _ with it. You suffer, for a long time. People pity you. You can't escape anything. You're constantly reminded of them, and how you can't be them. It's hell,” he said, starting with a normal speaking voice, then going to a low whisper with desperation, trying to get me to understand, but I did understand. Then after his speech, my brother walked up the stairs and locked the door. Now it was my turn to focus getting out of these handcuffs. 

 

I uncomfortably pulled on my wrist, wincing when I felt it dislocated. I then proceeded to pull it through the hole. I leaned against the pole I was tied to and moved my arms in front of me, holding my right hand carefully. It hurt a lot more than the headache I had, although my headache’s pain had decreased since my brother and I started talking. I grabbed the second part of the cuff to keep it from rattling and slowly made my way up the stairs. I tried the knob; it was locked. I walked back down the stairs and looked around for something I could use, then remembered my father’s office. My brother and I hadn't been in there since they died. I knew I could probably find one of my bobby pins in the room because my mother use to use them to keep my bangs away from my eyes. I lost them in so many places and had so many that I'm surprised they only ended up in that room.

 

As I made my way to my father’s office, I recalled memories from before they died, like when my brother was sick and complained because mom wouldn't let him have any ice cream or when we tried to make homemade applesauce and ended up destroying the kitchen. I finally reached the light wooden door and grabbed the brass knob. It was freezing down here and the knob was even colder, and then when I opened the room, I shivered. Then I saw the spiders. I should've expected it because this place was always a breeding ground, but they still creeped me out. I took a step into the room and stepped into a spiderweb. I took a step back, closed my eyes, and tried to spit it out of my mouth. I even wiped my face with my hands. After several minutes, I felt clean. Was it worth it so I could get out? I decided that yes, it was worth it to break out of my own basement. I opened my eyes and spotted at least 20 bobby pins. I grabbed one and immediately left the room. 

Walking up the stairs for the second time was not fun. I would've preferred the door being unlocked, but you you do what you gotta do. I looked at the bobby pin in my hand before reluctantly agreeing to stick it in the lock. My mother had told me that you could break a lock this way, but I had no other options. I stuck the pin in the lock and wiggled it around. After several minutes, I heard a click. Now I could leave. I knew it would be a risk to leave this room before the door creaked, but I still had no other option. The windows in the basement were always locked and I didn't even know if I could open them. I slowly turned the knob and open it. The door creaked and I winced. This wasn't working out very well. I decided to quickly swing the door open and hope for the best instead of slowly opening it and listening to it creak every single time. It managed to open without creaking the rest of the way. 

 

I quickly escaped the basement. I wondered if I should leave the house and go into my room or just hope for the best and run to my room. Either way, I was risking being caught. If I left and climbed through my window, I would have to close the door and the. escape through the window and walk into the house like nothing happened after changing my clothes. If I tried to risk it, I would still have to close the door, but there was more of a chance I would be caught. I walked straight ahead to the front door and opened it. This door didn't creak since it was fairly new, so I easily escaped and closed the door without alerting my brother. Next, I ran around to the front of the house and crawled on my knees over to my room, if I just walked across, he could see me through the window. As I approached my room, I wondered if he would hear the commotion. I tested the lock, and I was glad that this happened to be one of the days that I didn't lock my window, although I was unsure why I didn't with my brother harassing the streets. I opened the window slowly and then lifted the screen up so I could climb in. Climbing it was fairly easy, but definitely uncomfortable. I stuck half my body through the window and tried to pull myself in, but my stomach scraped the sill and I winced, wanting to groan or complain, but not being able to due to my brother being in the other room. Finally, I fell in and I made a light thump. I internally screamed since he probably heard. 

 

I decided that I would have to move quick. I quickly pulled off my scarf and shoved it in my bottom drawer, just in case my brother came into my room and recognized it. Then, I pulled off my mask and put it on the top shelf in my closet. No one would notice it if they didn't look up. I decided to be safe than sorry and also changed my clothes. Now I was wearing a leather jacket with that reminded me slightly of Arian’s. I almost wondered if it was his. I was also wearing a pair of black jeans. I looked back over to the window and made an effort quickly leave after opening my door back up. I heard the clicking of heels approach my room after my door opened. I quickly jumped out of the window and tried to close it before I heard my brother walked into the room. 

 

“Hmm,” I heard him wonder aloud. “I could've sworn that window was closed.” It was closed earlier, just not locked. I hadn't managed to completely close it, but the screen was closed again and the window was only halfway open itself. I got back on my knees and proceeded to crawl back to the front of the house, hoping desperately that my pants weren't going to have grass stains on them when I got up. As I approached the pavement ahead of me, I somehow managed to crawl on top of a rock. I left out a quiet yelp and decided to finally stand up since I was far enough away from the windows. I stood up carefully as if crawling on top of a rock was the end of the world for my leg. Then I proceeded to walk back to the front door and open it. 

 

“Hey, Zach? You home?” I called out. I hadn't looked at myself in the mirror after being killed, but I assumed that I looked like shit. Maybe my brother would assume something else happened, actually, he probably would, considering I hadn't told him me and Arian split ways. He probably assumed that we finally decided to make it official since that's what he said when I was down stairs and he was threatening me. 

 

My brother walked back from where I assumed my room with a smile, “You're home.” It was almost funny how different he was compared to the man who had locked me in my own basement and told me he was going to torture me. “Any plans for today?” he asked me, and I swear I could've seen his smile faulter. He thought I hated him, and ever since he told me, I could pick out all the signs. His eyes looked sad, and his smiles were nothing like the ones before the tragedy in our lives. He only had two smiles now, the fake was he was showing me now and the one he wore as a sadist. I didn't know which one was worse, but if I had to pick I would've said his fake smile because I was the one who caused it and I should've noticed it sooner. It was probably the reason he grew into the Jackal.

 

“Yep,” I said. “And I was thinking we could watch a movie together since Thanksgiving is coming up. It's not like we can afford all the food, but I'm sure we could find a decent movie, right?” I didn't know how well it would turn out. If he leaned against me, I would probably flinch, knowing how many people he's murdered and how he even murdered me. I couldn't treat him like an innocent anymore. I would have to either get it through his brain that this wasn't a good thing, or kill him. I hoped he would take the first option. 

 

He nodded and for a second it seemed like he had a genuine smile. “That would be great,” he agreed. He continued with a teasing voice, “So tell me about your day yesterday. It seems like you had fun.” He ruffled my hair and I blushed despite myself. “I knew it!” he exclaimed, my face turned an even darker shade of red. “Tell me about it, how was it?”

 

I tried to compose myself, but it wasn't working. “It didn't happen like that! I just couldn't comb my hair this morning. Not everyone has perfect hair!” I crossed my arms and then uncrossed my arms to try to straighten my hair even though I couldn't see it. I had a feeling that it wasn't working the way I wanted to. My brother just laughed.

 

“Fine, you don't have to tell me the details, but I'm proud of you.” Proud? He was proud of me? I was the older brother, I should've been telling him I was proud. Actually, I wasn't even the one who was supposed to tell him that. It would've been our parents. And now that he was like this, if I said I was proud, it wouldn't even be the truth. I gulped. Should I let him believe this lie or should I try to convince him of the truth? 

 

I decided to let him believe the lie. “Thanks. And, I got some homework to catch up on, because of how sick I've been. I'll try to be up here before ten, alright?” I wasn't actually going to do homework, or even go to school tomorrow. What day was it even? I just wanted to be alone for a bit.

 

He bought my lie and nodded, “Alright, have fun.” Then he walked past me and walked straight out the front door, leaving me slightly betrayed and worrying if he was going out to be Jackal. I walked back to my room and sat on my bed. My phone rang and when I looked at the Caller I.D. I saw that it said Arian, and it had a nice picture of us from last year. I wanted to cry, so I let it ring. If he wanted to talk, he should've tried to contact me sooner. I listened to it ring, and ring, and ring, until I watched him fade from my screen. I started to cry, tears falling from my eyes in disgusting pools of blue. 

  
My phone started ringing again, and Arian’s face lit up my screen again, I started to cry even harder. It was his fault. It was all his fault. I was cursed, but I couldn't deny it any longer. I didn't care he cursed me, because I loved him, and now I couldn't even look at him without a reminder of what my brother said. He's using me. I'm just an item that he was using to get what he wants.  _ Ring, ring, ring _ . Then his image faded away again. I wanted to hurt. I felt like I needed to suffer. I wanted to feel exactly how I felt inside. I walked over to my drawer and grabbed another gun. I had maybe two or three left for emergencies. I should probably just buy bullets instead, but too late. I closed my drawer and tossed it around in my hands, still thinking over what I was going to do. It wouldn't do anything. I lifted the barrel to my head and pulled the trigger.  _ Bang! _


	8. I Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will probably the last chapter for awhile, although I do have 44k written, I'm still deciding chapters.

When I woke up I had my head in someone's lap, which made me feel extremely awkward. I opened my eyes to see a crying figure above me, messing with my hair slowly. It was Arian. My breathing seemed to stop. He was here. It was his first attempt to talk to me since giving me the mask. “Why?” he asked me once he noticed my eyes were opened. I watched him wipe away another tear that threatened to fall and stop playing with my hair.

 

“...Because it hurts,” I told him after awhile. “You broke me.” He didn't seem taken aback or anything by my response, he just remained quiet and fixated on me as if I was going to say something else. I continued, “You came here last year, and we were so close, you can't just do that to someone and then choose to use them. You left.” 

 

He inhaled, then exhaled before responding, “You died,” he tried to tell me sadly as if I didn't know what had happened. “I would never use you.”

 

I tried to deny what he was saying, “Zach told me you were using me, and you've been around so long that you've probably grown unattached to everyone you choose.” I closed my eyes, wondering if I was just imagining this scene play out, as if I had gone mad. When I opened my eyes, he was still there. Maybe I hadn't gone mad yet.

 

Arian continued to smile sadly at me, this was the guy I had gotten to know the last year. The one who had taken my bottle of vodka to keep me from becoming a drunk. The one who knew whether or not I was lying about something. The one who stayed with me even though I tried to separate from him. “Don't believe everything he says, Kye,” I wanted to start crying again at the sound of him calling me by my nickname again, but somehow I remained still. “He's a murderer, remember? He's just trying to manipulate you,” he paused for a few seconds before continuing, “I know it's hard to think of your brother like that, but it's true. You know me, I would never lie to you. You're my best friend.” 

 

This time, I did start crying again, and he wiped them away. “What if I don't want to be friends?” I mumbled out. Arian looked at me incredulously. I didn't know if he heard me or not.

 

I decided to climb out of his lap finally and sit up. As I adjusted my position, he spoke again, “What do you mean?” I looked down and fiddled with my thumbs in a nervous manner before mumbling something and looking back up at him; he looked extremely confused. “You're going to have to use your words. I can't understand you.” 

 

I tried to speak up just a bit, but I didn't want to say it. I didn't know how he would react. “I said that I don't know if I can be your friend when you have some many people in your past that you never mentioned. Zach said you adopted a girl and taught her how to fight. He said that you choose people who die young.” It wasn't what I said earlier, but I wasn't ready just yet. 

 

Arian didn't show any signs of emotion, and suddenly he was back to being Osiris. “That's how I did things a long time ago, but you have to understand, it's not good for someone to get close to someone who's going to die,” he told me, at first I thought it was Osiris saying the words, but I could see Arian peeking out, and then Osiris was being pushed back again. “And every time, they were you. It's always been you. Every life I've chosen, it's been you,” he tried desperately. “And they all die.”

 

My words were caught in my throat in a lump, “They all died?” 

 

He nodded, “I thought I could save her this time. I adopted her and taught her to fight, because I thought it would protect her, but it didn't work. She still died.” Arian was crying again, and I wanted to do anything I could to comfort him, but I was frozen.

 

“So you're telling me that every past Anubis has been me, I've just been reincarnating?” I asked. Arian nodded again. “And why do you think that I keep reincarnating?” I had a hunch for what he was going to say, but waiting for him to say something was agonizing. 

 

He took a deep breath, “Everyone has a soul, right?” I nodded, and he continued, “The soul either has bad energy or good energy, but your soul has this...unique energy. It's a combination of the two, so every life you have, you have a choice to be good or evil. Everyone else has a general destination because their soul is already good or bad, but because your soul is different, I was supposed to keep an eye on you, because you have the potential to be a great evil.” He looked up at me again. “But every life I've met you, you've been good. And…” he trailed off.

 

“And?” I prompted him.

 

“And…” he started, “I fell in love with you.” I bit my lip and looked away, but no matter what I did, I could still feel him staring at me. 

  
I tried to lighten the tension, “You can't tell me you love me without a first date, Arian.” I felt him smile and I looked back at him. He leaned over quickly and placed a kiss on my forehead. I blushed and closed my eyes, but when I opened them again, he was gone, without a sign that he had ever been in here. Maybe I had gone insane.


	9. Sara

I laid back on my bed and then turned over so I could hold my pillow. I closed my eyes again and this time freely let my tears fall. My life was a mess, and I needed help. I needed someone to keep me in line if I couldn't do what needed to be done when the time came. I wouldn't admit that to many people, but my brother’s seemingly endless array of minions wasn't helping my confidence. Each day the amount of deaths in this city was growing by large amounts. I knew there was someone who might listen to my plea for help, but I was unsure whether or not she would actually help. She wasn't exactly a hero either. She did what she wanted. I knew she had committed her fair share of crimes, and so had I, but I also knew she had people who praised her for her help in difficult situations. She also wasn't opposed to killing people she deemed bad. If I decided to go to her, she might listen to me and decide that I wasn't worth her effort. Going after her might even mean a bullet to the head, but of course that was just useless pain. I'd be back. I wish I wouldn't. 

 

I grabbed my mask and put it on. The leather rubbed against my face uncomfortably. Then I grabbed my soft, green scarf. The feelings were quite a contrast. I don't know how I dealt with wearing the two together when I went to confront my brother earlier. I bit my lip behind my mask and wondered where the sudden sense of everything came from. Now that I was calm, everything was raising more and more questions. I realized I couldn't actually see through the mask, but yet I could tell everything as clearly as if I never put it on. I couldn't exactly see, but I could sense. It was my own Spider-sense. I grinned and finally walked out into the heat with my boots clicking against the tiled floors and picture frames rocking quietly against the wall when I took a step.

 

When I closed the door, it was a loud click, as if I slammed the door shut. I hadn't, but that didn't seem to matter. And the heat was better than I thought it was. If I had to guess, I would've said it was around seventy. I honestly had no clue where I was going, but I kept putting one foot in front of the other. You always see superheroes show up out of nowhere, or fly into a scene, but apparently it's harder than that. You don't have to hide with your costume on, but it's unusual to see a hero in a crowd of people. I supposed that's why I was walking to the end of my street to see if I could hail a cab. The guy would probably laugh at me and ask for money. I should probably just find someone to stop and take me. It was a risk, but this job wasn't without risks. What's the worse they could do anyways when I could defend myself with my gun. I patted my pocket when I thought about it. Unfortunately, it wasn't there. I stopped walking halfway out of my driveway to turn back and grab it. 

 

I sensed it on the ground when I turned around, I suppose I dropped it. I picked it up before dusting it with my hands and then my scarf. Having to walk back to where I was, was quite frustrating. I should've heard it drop. I should've been able to sense it hit the ground. But I didn't. And that was the most frustrating part of this whole thing. I hadn't even got to going to the town over and trying to find this Scarlet girl.

 

By the time I reached the end of the yard, I had planned out every way I could defend myself if the person who I got in with decided to take me in the wrong direction. Most of them ended in murder, the other two ended with them being arrested. Arian would probably be thrilled that I was committing to the part. I'm supposed to be the judge and the jury. Again, I wasn't entirely sure what he would say about it. I had been avoiding him since he stopped me in the halls, and gave me minimum explanation. I wished he'd call the home phone. 

 

A leaf fell from the tree and lightly scratched my cheek and I looked over. It was the old tree in the middle of my neighborhood and it was on the way to being a stump in the middle of the neighborhood. The bark was curling off of it and the leaves fell off with the smallest gust of wind. I was about halfway there now. I leaned my head right and then left, feeling satisfied when I heard my neck pop.

 

At the end of the road I watched a car pass, then another. I leaned on the crossing sign which no one really paid any attention to anyways. My road was a dead end road, no one pays attention because we rarely leave. We're a close knit community. We all know each other, but at the same time I guess we truly didn't. Afterall, I didn't know what my brother was capable of after 15 years of him being around. Apparently he wasn't sheltered like I thought, he was just good at acting. Maybe he learned it from me. I waved at a few cars in a desperate manner before a while Jeep pulled into the road I was standing on and opened the passenger door. It was a young woman with long blonde hair and brown eyes. She reminded me of my mother in the way she was smiling at me sweetly.

 

“You need a ride, sweetheart?” she asked me. Then, in a low voice she asked, “You won't murder me, right? And you're not a prostitute are you?”

 

I snorted and grinned behind my mask, “I'd love a ride,” I responded and hopped into the car. “And don't worry I'm not a prostitute even if I considered it once.” She seemed slightly alarmed and I remembered I didn't answer if I would murder her or not, but I couldn't make promises I couldn't keep. I didn't know her. She could be anyone. Like my brother even. I closed the door. “Do you know where Urbandale is?” I asked.

 

She nodded slowly, as if still reeling from my response, “Yeah, I know the place. It's about 20 miles south, isn't it?” 

 

“Yep,” I informed her. She turned the keys and I heard the engine start up. Then she drove into my road even more and stopped at the first driveway and turned around. That was thing about dead end roads, you couldn't just keep going and get back to your destination, you had to completely turn around. After she turned around and exited the road, I realized country music was playing. I hated it, but this was her car. I couldn't say anything if I wanted to. She might just kick me out of the car and leave me stranded. She didn't seem like the type, but like I said, you never really know people.

 

Turns out she didn't want to murder me. She was actually quite nice and drove me straight to Urbandale. She dropped me off by an alleyway though, which was pretty sketchy. She assured me that it was actually a really safe alleyway, so I guessed it was alright, still creepy though. As I made my way through the alley, I spotted a woman running into another passageway. I started to sprint and watched her climb up a metal ladder to the top of the building. I watched her climb several stories before I started to climb up the ladder. Every once and awhile I would hear her swear about how much exercise she was getting climbing this wall and I wanted to laugh, but I had to be stealthy. I assumed this was the girl I came for. After what seemed like hours, she disappeared over the edge of the building while I had another story to climb. My foot slipped when I went to step up. My heart raced and I was terrified I was going to fall. This far up I knew I wouldn't escape without being schathed, but I didn't fall. I put my foot back on the step and tried again, this time I didn't slip. One more step and I would be able to see over the building. I took the step, and saw her sitting down fiddling with something. I pulled myself over the ledge of the building and approached her slowly.

 

“Hey?” I called out. She jumped and shoved the thing she was fiddling with in her pocket. She tried to jump off the building, but I grabbed her arm. That was insane. No one would've survived that fall. I watched her turn around.

 

She looked at me with a gleam in her eyes before snickering and pulling out a red gun and twirling it around aimlessly. I wasn't opposed to guns, after all, my brother seemed to enjoy using them and I had to stop him somehow, but the way she didn't care about using one made me weary. She stopped twirling the gun for a second to adjust her signature collared red jacket and introduce herself. "The name's Scarlet Scion," she said. I frowned behind my mask and she grinned. "Scarlet," she paused, "as in the color blood is." I wanted to correct her that blood was more of a crimson than a scarlet, but I kept my mouth shut. She'd probably have no qualms about shooting me if I upset her. At least I knew this was who I was after.

 

And then my vision went black. I could feel myself drone out, and I wondered if this was like death was like. And then I saw white snow. Where the hell was I?

 

I looked around frantically as the world I knew slowly dissolved into a white canvas of snow. I was standing on a cold metal stair crying at a white door, pounding on it as if my life depending on it. Tears streamed down my face in warm puddles; it was the only warmth I had in this landscape, but it was short lived. Snow danced around me and made my tears turn cold. I wanted to stop my actions, but I couldn't. It was as if my body was following the orders of someone else. I could feel the emotions going through me, but they felt foreign, almost as if they weren't mine. I wrapped my arms around myself as if was going to make me warm again; it didn't. It was then that I noticed I wasn't wearing my usual attire, in fact, I was completely without it. I was naked. I let go of myself and pounded at the door again, harder this time. Realizations swam through my head: this wasn't my body; this wasn't my house; this isn't even what season it was currently. Now I was panicking as if I was the little girl on the stair. I could hear myself screaming for my dad, but I don't know why he would even come. He put me here in the first place. What would he care if I froze to death outside? I looked to my left and stared at the blue bus in my neighbor's yard; it was dark outside, but dark enough they could see me if they actually looked, or at least if they were on their porch where they could see over the fence and through the trees. I looked back at the house and saw the light behind it from another neighbor’s house. Why wasn't anyone seeing me suffer? Why wasn't anyone helping me? I could barely separate my own worry from whoever I was. It was like our thoughts were one. I screamed out again, collapsing against the door in tears. My legs scraped the metal when I collapsed, and I watched myself bleed. I started to cry louder, this time sobbing for my mother. 

 

“Mommy!” I cried. It was pointless though. She wasn't here. It was just my father. Whoever’s father I was the child of. I didn't know my name, just that I was alone and scared. Finally, I heard the door open a quarter of the way, enough that I could be taunted with warmth, but not enough that I could get it.

 

“Are you going to behave, Sara?” I heard a man ask in a gruff voice. Sara? Apparently my name was Sara. I nodded eagerly and I had to wonder what I did to deserve this. No child should be punished like this. This isn't a punishment. This is abuse. The man opened the door half way so I could scamper in without letting the cold into the warm house. I almost ran inside. It was so warm. It was heaven compared to the hell I had just been through. 

 

As soon as I made it through the door, I saw the big christmas with an array of ornaments hanging from it, and I could even smell one that looked like a gingerbread from where I was. I could tell I was slightly proud. This Sara girl I apparently was probably made it. 

 

I rushed down the hall and into my room to my bed; my big queen sized bed. I loved how big it was and I was glad I wasn't big enough to have my feet dangle off the edge because it allowed for more warmth. I jumped into it and cuddled underneath the covers so I could get warm. I would put on clothes later. I could hear my dad's footsteps approach as he followed me to my room. I covered my head completely and I struggled to breathe. The air was warm and bothered me intensely, but I would have to endure it. When my dad walked into the room I froze and wrapped my arms around my blue SpongeBob pillow tightly. It was the only pillow I owned and it was very comfy. I didn't want my dad to think I was awake, even if he just dismissed me to my room inadvertently. 

 

“Goodnight,” I heard him call out before switching my light off. I couldn't exactly see well through my blanket, but it was enough to see the light grays turn to dark grays. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to keep my oncoming sobs that seemed to never stop, quiet. It didn't work. I could hear myself choke and sniffle. My throat was raw from my sinuses draining. And I couldn't seem to get warm. I could feel the warmth, but it was like my body was and ice cube, something that took a long time to finally melt, and even after melting it still remains cold for a long time after that. Shortly after that, I fell asleep, sobs still racking my body.

 

Everything was black, like I was in a dark room without any windows and my eyes closed. The darkest black. And then I heard a voice, “What the hell are you doing?” I jumped back away from the voice to stare at the woman I was standing in front of. Scarlet Scion. I tilted my head curiously and blinked. 

 

“What the fuck just happened?” The words spilled out of my mouth before I could stop them. I was confused. Who's Sara? Why was her dad so mean to her? Why was I seeing these things? “There was snow and--” I broke off my sentence. “I was crying. No, it wasn't me…” I was speaking out loud, but it helped me think. My brain was running a mile a minute until it finally clicked. “You're Sara.” 

 

Sara seemed taken aback, I would've been too if someone called me by my real name despite being behind a mask. Or maybe the name had to recollection and she was confused like I was, but if she was confused, then I would be even more confused. Suddenly, her cocky, rude behavior was back. “I don't go by that name anymore, punk,” she told me. I could practically feel the anger laced into her voice. She took a step towards me. “My name is Scarlet Scion. It's not an alias. It's my real name.” She took another step and shoved the tip of the gun against my chest. “If you ever call me Sara again, I'll shoot you beside the heart so you bleed out, but don't die, and then I'll torture you in the last few moments of your life.”  _ What?  _ I couldn't help thinking. From all my time studying and researching her, I had never heard she was this violent. She was like a badger. Peaceful unless threatened. Apparently I was threatening her. I didn't mean to. It was honestly her fault for showing me her memories of her past.  _ Wait, if that was her past…  _ I trailed off my thought, trying to force myself to not think about it. Unfortunately, it was like the polar bear exercise where someone tells you not to think about polar bears, and then you think about polar bears.  _ If that's her past...no wonder she turned out like this. _ She was protected in her own fortress, and it wasn't a fortress protected by other people. It was a fortress surrounded by landmines and booby traps. One wrong step and you're dead. She couldn't let anyone in, because she had forgotten where they were. If she tried to disarm them, then she could die. I almost wanted to get her to trust me. Maybe she left a map somewhere outside her fortress I could use.

 

I took a step back to get away from her, and tripped on a rock behind me. I was grateful I didn’t fall over the edge, but still upset.  _ Clumsy, clumsy, clumsy,  _ I screamed at myself inside my head. I shouldn’t have been afraid of her; she should be afraid of me. I was the one wearing the mask made from human skin and covered in blood. I should be afraid of me, but I couldn’t find it in myself to be afraid of me. Maybe it was because I knew how pathetic I was. We were both sort of pathetic in our own way. I continued to contemplate on the ground until Scarlet decided to hold her hand out for me, as if pitying me for what I saw and thinking she needed to help me, but she couldn’t know. I bit my lip and reluctantly accepted her hand.

 

She pulled me up easily, as if I weighed a feather. “So how do you know about who I was? You said you saw something,” she asked. I knew it was probably best to explain, but I didn’t know how. What was I supposed to say? I saw her left outside in the snow by her father but I don’t know why or how? Was this something Arian forgot to mention to me? “You said you saw snow,” she stated blankly.

 

I nodded, “I saw the snow...and I think I saw your house,” I paused; if she had reacted that way when I said her name, how would she react to calling the house she lived in when she was younger, her house? “Sorry, the house you lived in when you were younger,” I corrected. 

 

Her lips moved into an amused smile. I frowned. What was so interesting about this to her? “Actually, you’re right. It’s  _ my _ house. I still live there, why? What else did you see?” It was news to me that she still lived in that house. I assumed that she would’ve left to get away from her parents, or her dad at least. 

 

I tried to continue despite my head still whirling from this new information, “I saw your dad, and you were outside.”

 

Her amused smile seemed to hold even more amusement now, “Oh,” she said, dragging out the word. I could hear the amusement dripping from her voice. “You mean that thing where my dad threw me outside naked? Yeah, I remember like it was yesterday. So, how was seeing that?”

 

_ What? _ I thought. How was this amusing for her? It wasn’t amusing to me. It wasn’t funny. She shouldn’t treat this like it was nothing. It wasn’t nothing. It was abuse. If she was still living with him then who knows what else has happened. I looked at her and her array of designs made from color pigments dying, and I couldn’t find any scars that I knew of, but then again, she was wearing a red leather jacket and red jeans. She was even wearing a red mask that reminded me of the masks at Mardi Gras, just more simple, which I suspected was made from leather. Someone else might say she was ugly, but I thought she was beautiful even behind her masks and impenetrable fortresses. 

 

“I didn’t see it,” I told her, mostly because it was true. “I experienced it.” Her smiled dropped, as if finally understanding how concerned I was. “I was cold, and I was crying. And no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t stop. I had to let everything play out.”

“Oh,” she said. Now she was looking like a kicked puppy, as if her walls were being put up at we spoke. I needed to say something to her so she would stop. She had to know how wrong that was.

 

“You know that isn’t normal right?” I cringed as the words left my mouth. Those were a poor choice of words. I tried to correct myself, “I mean, that isn’t right for that to happen. To you or anyone else.” I could see Scarlet relax slightly, but not by much. It was good enough for me though, because one less wall down meant an easier access to the castle. 

 

Her gray eyes looked wet, as if she was about to cry. Maybe that was why she relaxed, because she was sad. “I know,” she responded.

 

I decided it was my time to ask her a question, “Is he still around?” If he was still around, then I would stop him. It was my job to find people who weren’t innocent and punish them anyways. One less abuser in the world would be a good thing. She nodded. I almost growled. 

 

“He's…” she paused to gather her thoughts, as if she might say the wrong thing. “He's better now… He had therapy. He was in a dark place. It happens when you don't get along with your significant other.”

 

“Stop rationalizing your emotions!” I yelled. “You can't just ignore what he did. Even if he was in a dark place, that still gives him no right. He's your father.”

 

“You don't know anything about me!” she screamed back. By now I'm sure everyone could hear our conversation. “Why do you think I do this? It's a fucking rebellion. I can't just go up to my parents and do the normal teenage rebellion. I cut my hair short and they almost left. I can't step out of line, but I can't just stay inside the lines. I'd die inside.” 

 

I hadn't stopped to consider why she did this. I hadn't stopped to think she could've been another person. I could see it now. Scarlet Scion was the perfect image rebellion in her own way. This was everything she wanted to do, but couldn't because she was afraid of losing her parents. I almost wanted to stop and consider if the people she's hurt were people who she was angry with. They probably were.

 

I lowered the volume of my voice and spoke sincerely, as if I was apologising, “I understand. I’m sorry if I misread the situation.” I knew I hadn’t misread the situation, but I still needed her help. I needed her to be on my side. I needed her to help me stop my brother. He had too many people following him to allow me to get to him. I needed more partners than just Osiris. “But I need your help,” I tried, hoping she would take the bait. She seemed nice enough even if she had a short fuse.

 

She stared at me point blank, as if my statement would change anything. I wished she showed more emotion than amusement, anger, and absolutely nothing. I supposed she was also showing fear since the root of anger was fear, but I decided to classify those in different categories a long time ago. “Why do you need my help? You know the things I’ve done.” Her voice was hollow, and for one second I could see through her mask. She was sad, and she expressed it through anger. Then she immediately put on another mask, one I still remembered from earlier: amusement. “That would be like a superhero teaming up with a villain or an anti-hero. It doesn’t happen.”

 

This was my territory. She was wrong, but it was a safe assumption to make. It didn’t happen very often. “What about the Spiderman and Doc Ock team up?” Now, I never had enough money to buy entire volumes to read, but I knew enough through media and television shows. Besides, they counted even if they didn’t happen in the comics, right? To be honest, I wasn’t even sure if it happened in the comics. Oops. Maybe she had read the comics and I hadn’t. Hopefully she’d just go with it. “Besides, villains and anti-heroes can turn into heroes too.”

 

She nodded, and I was glad she didn’t question me. “You still didn’t answer my question,” she stated. “Why do you need my help? And you never mentioned your name.”

 

“My name’s Anubis, not literally of course. My friend gave me the name. His name’s Osiris, you’ll meet him later, but please don’t call him that around me… the name still feels foreign to me. And… my brother’s name is Jackal. I think he--”

 

She stopped me, “Your brother is Jackal?” The tone of her voice made her sound angry. I assumed that meant she had heard of him. “Get out of my town,” she told me. “Or I’ll make you.” She stepped towards me. I stepped back, finally tripping on the ledge of the building and falling off the side. 

 

Falling is a weird experience. You can feel the wind, and you definitely feel the gravity. You’re like a rock being thrown through the air. You’re just too heavy to stop. I watched Scarlet’s mouth open in a screaming position, but no sound came out. I would’ve screamed too, but everything was happening so fast. I was terrified, but at the same time I was doing was she was doing. Rationalizing my emotions. I could die here, but at the same time, maybe I wouldn’t. If this was where I died in the timeline, then I’d never wake up. If this wasn’t, I probably would need to take painkillers like it’s candy. Reconstructing bone and muscle tissue? Not fun, not that I knew what that was like, but it sounded painful. I hoped I died for real. Then I wouldn’t have to deal with my brother. I would be dead. Gone.

 

The pavement grew closer every second. The building I was on was quite tall, but I knew I only had a second at best before I hit the ground. I couldn’t see the ground, but I could see the building’s windows moving upwards quickly as I moved downwards. I saw the words CORP and before I could wonder what it stood for, I hit the ground. 

  
I don’t care what they say about death. Happened quickly? Yeah, definitely quickly, but not feeling a thing? Doesn’t happen. I could feel my bones splintering and could hear them cracking. I could feel my bones rushing to escape the prison my skin held them in. I could feel the warmth of my blood leave. It was painful, but before I could think more about it, everything went black. Dead.


	10. I Get Lectured

When I regained my consciousness, I had a throbbing headache, but at least it wasn't as painful as dying. My arms and legs hurt like I had just broken them, kind of ironic considering that I just did. And then I opened my eyes. I was in a foreign place. I was staring at a brown ceiling and laying on a brown couch. Out of the corners of my eyes, I could see a ruby red rocking chair that was splitting at the seams. Claw marks ran down the arms of the chair and stuffing was spilling out onto the wooden floors. I looked down at the couch’s arms to see that the same thing had happened, only not as bad. Instead of stuffing falling out, there were threads lying in clumps on the floor. Where was I?

 

I heard heels clacking against the wooden floors before a door was opened. I could see a girl about the same age I was walk into the room and I almost immediately recognized her. Short black hair, gray eyes, and dark skin that was patched lighter. It was Scarlet Scion, only this person was completely different. She seemed reluctant to approach me. She seemed shy, unlike the angry woman I had met before. I couldn't spot her gun anywhere either, but then I remembered Sara. The innocent girl from the snowy landscape. “Scarlet, where am I?” I asked her in a serious voice. 

 

She walked towards me and I could see more of her outfit. It was burgundy hoodie with the letters ACH on the front. She was also wearing jeans that was ripped around her thighs, probably from wearing them so long. “Don't call me that. My name is Sara,” she told me in a tone that made me feel like I was a kid being scolded by their teacher. Then she dropped her voice and smiled, “At least here.” I grinned. My Scarlet was back, even for just a minute. And then she was back to Sara; weary. “So...I watched you fall.”

 

I nodded. “I did indeed fall. I remember.”

 

She continued, as if trying to prompt me to spilling everything, “And I saw you hit the ground.”

 

I nodded again. “Yep. I also remember that.”

 

Sara frowned. “I watched you die. I saw you bleed out in the ground. And then I watched your body heal itself,” she told me bluntly. 

 

I nodded a third time. “Yep. First time that's happened to me. Honestly I feel like hell, so can you give me some painkillers? It would be appreciated.” I was trying to change the subject, and I was sure she knew I was too, but at least it wasn't a completely new topic. Maybe she would let me get away with it. 

 

She huffed and crossed her arms, clearly frustrated with me. “Your brother is Jackal. I'm not here to help you. I'm curious about your ability.”

 

I laughed, and I couldn't help it. It was just so funny to me. “Ah, yes. I've always loved to be a lab rat,” I responded. I decided to take it a step further. “And if you were curious, I was going to ask you to help me deal with him. He's a murderer. No offense.”

 

She paled slightly. “Oh my God, I am  _ so _ sorry. I thought you were with him. This is all my fault. If I hadn't assumed you wouldn't have fell,” she babbled. “I'll help you, I promise. I owe you.”

 

I almost shook my head as I realized I still had no idea where I was, but before I could, the world disappeared. This time I hadn't disappeared into a world of snow. This time I was in the house. I could tell I was Sara again, but this time I was fully clothed. I was sitting in front of the television, watching  _ House of Anubis.  _ It was a new episode that night and I was extremely excited. I actually recognized the show and loved it when I was a show I lived for when I was younger. At least before my parents died. 

 

Then I could hear screaming in another room. I could also hear crying. I grabbed the remote in a panic and turned the volume up to ignore the violence. It didn't work. Finally, I stood up and crept out of the room. Almost across from the room I was in was my room, and next to my room was my parent's room, or at least Sara’s. I walked to the room next to mine and put my ear against the door. I heard someone back into the door, crying. It was my mother. I could hear her saying, “Put the gun down, please.” Begging for her life.

 

“Daddy?” I called out. “Do you have a gun in there?” I heard them pause from outside the door. I tried the cold brass knob, and it refused to budge. I looked up at the key above the door and reached for it. I was too short. “Dad?” I tried again.

 

“No, no, go back to bed, Sara,” I heard my dad tell me. I gulped and nodded. I slowly moved away from the door and walked away quietly, the only sound was of the wood taking on my weight. I couldn't focus on the rest of my show as time wore on and I didn't hear the door open. 

 

I pressed a narrow blue button on the remote and the time read: 10:09. I immediately turned off the TV and walked to my room. My door refused to open all the way and I saw the brick on the ground. I pushed on the door harder and managed my way through. Closing the door was easy compared to opening it. I pressed the light switch on my wall until I saw a green light, then I let go. My light would turn off automatically, I didn't know how much time I had, but it was good enough. I hopped into my bed and pulled my blanket over my head as the light slowly started to fade. I closed my eyes.

 

When I opened my eyes I was back in Scarlet’s living room. I blinked. “You don't owe me anything,” I said, continuing where our conversation left off as if I hadn't left to another time. “But that doesn't mean I won't accept your offer of help.” I yawned, debating if I should take off my mask. I decided I wanted to see actual things again, so I took it off. I watched Sara’s reaction, she didn't react. Of course she didn't. 

 

She walked closer to me and sat on the arm of the couch. “Are we going to get more help, or is it just going to be us?” she asked. 

 

I shrugged. “I have a friend, Arian, but I don't know how much help he would be. He barely tells me anything anymore.”

 

I watched her eyes light up with interest. “Tell me everything,” she demanded. “I love things like this, maybe I could help.”

 

I shrugged again. “Basically I’m apparently important, he fell in love with me,” Sara squealed, “and I'm still trying to wrap my head around the whole situation because he's the one who brought me into this weird superhero thing.”

 

“What's wrong with being a superhero?”

 

I sighed, “Nothing, it's just the way he did it. He gave me this,” I shook my mask in the air, “mask, and then left. No explanation. I finally figured out what he meant, and I got this weird power so I can see into people's minds or whatever. It's terrible. I've missed a month of school because I was too sick because I couldn't control it.”

 

“Ah,” she said, slowly nodding her head, “But if he loves you, why would he put you in harms way like that?”

 

I stopped her, “There's more. My brother told me that he adopted a girl named Zoey and made her Anubis. He taught her to fight, and…” I had to stop myself for a few moments, “she died when she was 19. Scar--” I started to say, “Sara, I'm 18, if she died that young, how much longer do I have to live? He said it was to protect her. He thought she would live longer if she knew how to fight, but she still died. He said that I was her in my past life. What chance do I have?” 

 

Sara opened her mouth in an O formation. “Well, you never really know how long someone's got to live, but… he was trying to protect her at least. That has to count for something, right? It means he actually does care about you.” I stared at her blankly and she continued, “If he didn't care, he wouldn't have picked you again, but he did.”

 

I nodded in agreement, but I still didn't feel like it was true. It felt like he was telling me what I wanted to hear in order to manipulate me. “I guess…” I mumbled.

 

“...You don't seem like you care for his affection that much,” she told me. “He told you that he loves you, and you're not focusing on that. Or did you lie about what he said?” 

 

“I wouldn't lie about this. I'm freaking out about this. Last year we were just best friends, and I was busy working two jobs for my brother and I to be able to eat. Now, I'm a vigilante and my brother's a serial killer. And Arian is some type of demonic angel.”

 

Sara giggled, “I don't think angels can be demonic. Angels are supposed to be nice and cuddly aren't they? Fluffy wings and clouds, right?” Then she spoke seriously, “No, they aren't. Angels are warriors. They're born to fight. They might be fluffy and nice at first, but they've been trained to die for their beliefs. Think knives and spears and gorilla warfare. They're tricky. So he might be mean, but he can still be an angel.”

 

I was surprised by her response. I had never thought of angels that way before, but I supposed if they were supposed to be soldiers if they had to fight the demons of hell and keep the good people in heaven. I tried to change the topic, “He's just completely different now that I know he's someone else.”

 

Again, she was quick to argue with me, “He's always been the same person, you're just meeting a new side of him. He'll always be Arian. So, now tell me, do you care him like he does for you?”

 

I paused to think about the question, for the first time in my life I had the time to think about it. I wasn't taking care of my brother anymore, and Arian could actually help me stop him. I already knew that I loved him, but I was still unsure if I was ready to share that. The information was so new and raw in my mind. “I…” I started. I was originally going to lie, but then I realized that we were going to be teammates. I should avoid lying to her. I continued, “I think I do.” 

 

She didn't squeal like I thought she would. Sara was actually taking me seriously. “Then I think you should be honest with him. You should tell him how you feel.”

 

I shook my head. Even if what he said about loving me was true, it still felt like I couldn't tell him. It still felt like I would be rejected. “No,” I protested. “What if he didn’t mean that?” 

 

Sara had the nerves to laugh at me. “I highly doubt that, you should just go for it before you chicken out. You’ll be fine, besides, it doesn’t really matter if he didn’t mean that, you guys can still be friends right?” I shrugged weakly. “Don’t just shrug at me, I’m right.” I shrugged again just as a woman walked into the room. It was the same woman who had given me a ride to the town. I kicked my mask under the couch I was laying on and threw my scarf behind it, hoping she didn’t see.

 

“Hello, sir,” she said as soon as her eyes looked over me. I raised my hand and waved slightly. She looked back at Sara. “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend, Sara!” she exclaimed. I blushed and looked away from the woman. 

 

“Mom!” Sara squeaked. “He’s not my boyfriend,” she emphasized her point by crossing her arms, “he’s just my friend...that happens to be a guy.” I looked back over to the woman who kept looking back at me, then back at Sara. I didn’t know how I didn’t see the resemblance earlier. Their faces looked almost exactly the same. “He’s just here for school stuff,” she finalized.

 

Sara’s mom looked at me one more time before sighing. “Whatever you say, dear. So which verses are you children memorizing today for homework? Is it a chapter like last time or a single verse?” I looked at Sara in confusion, luckily her mom remained fixated on her.

 

“Uh…” I watched her turn around and grab a red book, and then open it. I read the words ‘Holy Bible’ and suddenly the ACH on her hoodie made sense. Amelia’s Christian High-school. She opened the book halfway and showed it to her mom. “Psalms 23...again. Mrs. Brown thought that the class should have it completely memorized instead of needing some refreshers every few seconds.” Sara’s mom looked back at me and I nodded. 

 

Her mom plucked the book from Sara’s hands and flipped back a few pages. “Well, honey, I trust you have it perfectly memorized so how about a personal lesson, is that alright?” She looked at me and I nodded again. “My personal favorite is Leviticus 18:22. You’ve heard of it right?” Finally, I shook my head no even though I could see Scarlet begging me to nod yes. “Let me read it out for you,” she offered, then looked down at the page to read it for herself to make sure she was correct. “Thou shalt not lie with a man as with a woman; it is an abomination.” I cringed as she looked at me. “Do you understand young man? I will not have you pollute my daughter’s mind with your...unadmirable thoughts,” she demanded. She looked back at Sara, “And I will not have you encourage him! I thought you were better than this.” She shoved the book back into Sara’s hands and stormed out. I frowned at Sara and she frowned at me.

 

“Why didn’t you keep your mouth shut?” she lectured. “Do you always need someone to watch what you do?” I frowned. 

  
I tried to speak as calmly as possible, “I came here for your help, and you’ve given me your answer. I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll ask Arian to guide you to my place, but for now, don’t even think of following me.” I stood up. “You don't kidnap people and them lecture them! It's rude.” I suddenly realized my mask was still under the couch, along with my scarf. I groaned and knelt down before grabbing me scarf and mask. I put my mask on first and then my scarf before walking out the door quickly and wishing I had money for a taxi. I slammed the door shut, almost hoping I broke something, and then started running away. I was so angry that I didn't care I was running. 


	11. I Give A Villain Her Name

After what seemed like hours of running, I reached a stop sign and recognized the area. This was the place that I met Scarlet. I grimaced, remembering how well that went. I died only to wake up again and get lectured for something I couldn't change about myself. I crossed the road without looking, and found myself nearly getting hit by a car. I turned around and glared at the driver. He didn't look back. I turned around again to be met face to face with a woman who looked about a year younger than my brother. Her hair looked like a bird’s nest, even down to the color. Her eyes were a beautiful light blue, which almost made up for her hair. 

 

“Hello, darling,” she almost growled. I took a step back and I could see her long fingernails were painted black. “Boss told me you escaped from his little pit of hell, so he sent me after you.” She smiled cruelly. “We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Actually, we can do this the hard way, or the harder way. So which is it?” She lifted her fingernails in a threatening manner.

 

I gulped, “I think I'll take the option where I get to go home regardless of what you have planned. That's a thing right? I would rather be home than mauled by a coyote wearing a girl’s skin.”

  
The girl's eyes lit up with interest. “Coyote? Sadly you're incorrect. It's Thea. Do remember it as I rip out your throat.” Her cruel smile switched to an innocent one before she continued speaking, “but Coyote is a lovely nickname. How about you remember both?” And then she grabbed my throat, digging her fingernails into them. I started gasping for air and trying to push her away. It wasn't working. I could feel blood slowly dripping down my neck from where her fingernails dug in. “Night, night.” And then she dug her fingernails deeper. The only color I saw was black after that and I was grateful it was less painful than falling off a building.


	12. I Admit The Inevitable

When I came to, I wasn't in my basement like I expected. Instead, I was in a pitch black room and I couldn't hear anything. I closed my eyes tightly and opened them again only to realize it was still dark and that I was chained. My feet were shackled to the ground and my hands were chained to the ceiling. I struggled against the ties, but to no avail. I screamed. Still nothing. I started to cry, and finally something. A small light in the darkness that was getting closer and closer each passing second. After a minute of holding my breath for what was about to come, I saw Arian again. This time he had great black wings sprouting from his back that I would've called beautiful. “Arian?” I whispered. I had meant to speak louder, but found my voice was hoarse and trying to speak was like trying to play a flute perfectly the first time. Nearly impossible. I saw him grab a key from the ground and continue to walk towards me. Another few seconds and he was right next to me, silent as ever.

 

He leaned over, inserted the key into my shackles, and then I was free. I moved my legs in a small celebration. Then Arian stood up and unlocked my chained hands. “I need to talk to you, Ky. It's important.” I inhaled, waiting for the other shoe to drop, but nothing happened. He just sat down and patted the ground, waiting for me to join him. I did. He wrapped his wings around me and I found they were quite soft and warm. “I'm always with you, Kieran,” he told me. 

 

I looked at him with a confused face, “Arian, what are you trying to tell me?” I whispered in a panicked voice. Was this it? “Am I finally dead?” My heart was racing a mile a minute. Oh God, this was it. I would never see Scarlet or my brother again. The tears I had shed earlier were nothing to the ones I was shedding now. “Why is everything so dark? I thought heaven was supposed to be beautiful.”

 

My best friend shook his head and looked at me with an amused grin. “You're not dead. Thea is currently moving you to a secure location, but I thought talking would be a good course of action. We need to discuss plans, and then I'll send you back to the living world, alright? You can take out Thea and get home.”

 

I tried to wipe my tears away, but they kept coming despite Arian’s reassurances. “What kind of plans?” I mumbled quietly. I felt like I should say something after what happened at Scarlet’s house. “Wait,” I told him, “I need to get something off my chest.” I tried to wipe my tears again, and I realized my mask was gone. “And where’s the mask?” I wondered aloud.

 

Arian leaned over and rested his head on my neck. I blushed when he started talking again, I could feel his vocal cords vibrate. “This is your mind, Ky. You're not the mask, so you don't subconsciously imagine yourself that way.” He closed his eyes. “Can you tell me what's bothering you?”

 

“I…” I started to say. I could see him looking at me from my shoulder with interest. “I talked to Scarlet about you,” I continued. He propped himself up a bit more and wrapped his wings around me even tighter almost as if he was jealous. Arian hummed for me to continue. “I told her about what you told me,” I paused, “y’know...about how you said every Anubis was me in a past life.” He hummed again, so I continued talking, getting more nervous as I neared my topic. “She told me that means you care about me and then she asked how I felt.” 

 

Finally, he spoke up as if his interest peaked and I wasn't satisfying his interest, “And how did you respond?”

 

I swallowed, “I told her that I didn't care how much of a curse this mask you gave me was because…” I trailed off. 

 

“Because…?” he prompted.

 

“BecauseIthinkIloveyou,” I spilled out in an embarrassing mess. Arian looked at me, confusion evident on his face. I tried to repeat myself slower, “I think I love you.”

 

He smiled and fully wrapped his wings around me so we were almost in a dome of feathers. “You think?,” he asked in an amused tone. “Well, you already know how I feel.” I smiled and looked away shyly, nodding slowly. I didn't know what to do in this situation. I had never been in this situation before. I've had people interested, but I never paid them attention, and now I was slowly falling in love too. It was like a contagious disease. When I turned back around he was leaning towards me, and I panicked, pushing him away quickly. I only got an amused chuckle from him. “You never did let me kiss you first. Don't worry,” he told me, “You can do it on your own time.”

 

It was unusual having him refer to me as someone who wasn't actually me, but was me. I looked at the ground and then back at him again. “Sorry,” I apologised. “I'm just...not used to something like this in general. I've never really been in love,” he raised an eyebrow at that, “I had to look over my brother...but now I can't do that anymore.” I used my legs to push myself up, and now I was sitting on my knees staring into his blue eyes. “Fuck it,” I decided aloud and raised my hands, kissing him before he could figure out what I meant. 

 

I felt whole. That was honestly the only explanation for the feeling I was feeling. All the pain and suffering that I had experienced up to this point slowly melted away, even my vocal cords that hurt felt better. I felt healed. The darkness we were surrounded by seemed like a light. I pulled away from Arian and giggled. It was the first time in a long time where I was actually happily laughing and enjoying myself. “I love you,” I told him, despite being slightly unsure. Most people in relationships I knew waited a long time to say those words, but I supposed we were catching up on lost time. 

  
He stared at me for a long while before kissing my forehead again. I was disappointed that he didn't kiss my lips. “You should wake up soon or you'll be captured again. I'll meet you at your house, alright?” I nodded, wishing that our time together didn't have to end so soon. “Good. I love you, Kieran,” he said quietly and faded into nothingness. The blackness that surrounded me before was now shining as bright as day. Arian had changed me for either the better or worse, but for now it seemed like the better.


	13. I Kill A Girl

I closed my eyes, and then opened them. I could see myself being carried. I would bounce up, then down, then up again. I was being carried by Thea. The only thought that went through my head was,  _ Dang this girl is strong.  _ I then realized how awkwardly I was being carried. I was almost staring at the ground and my legs were in the air. I internally sighed, wondering how I could get out of this trap.

 

I decided that wiggling around would be the best choice. It seemed to surprise her I was awake again. I didn’t know whether it was because of Arian or because she just wasn’t a good murderer like my brother was. I could remember it being the next day before I woke up after my brother killed me. She dropped me, and I landed on my back. I winced and rolled right slightly. Thea turned around and glared at me. “Do you have to do this right now? We’re literally almost there. You could’ve stayed dead for one more second,” she growled. I frowned and rolled on my stomach, then pushed myself off the ground, still sore from landing roughly. 

 

“To be fair, we don’t have to do this now, you’re just being rude,” I said as I pulled out the gun I had in my pocket. I was honestly surprised it was still there. Maybe she thought that I wouldn’t have the chance to use it. I held it facing towards her, “We can do this the easy way or the hard way, because I would actually prefer to get away without killing someone. I haven’t crossed that line yet, and I would prefer not to.” 

 

She smiled, “Too bad Jackal wouldn’t like me coming back empty handed without a fight. I am his right hand man, you know.” And with that, she raised her leg and kicked the gun away from me. I watched it hit the ground several feet from me, and then I looked back at her. “Looks like we’re doing this the hard way,” she declared. She raised her arm in a threatening manner and threw it down, her fingernails poised to strike me. I panicked and raised my arm to push her away. She growled and tried to scratch me again. I threw myself on top of her and started punching her hard. She managed to scratch my arm pretty deeply, and I punched her even harder to get my revenge. I finally stopped when she stopped struggling from underneath me.

 

I stood up and looked at my arm. I could see blood dripping down my arm, but not how bad the cuts were. I assumed they needed stitches, but for now I needed to stop the bleeding, so I pulled off my scarf and wrapped it around my arm before tying it tightly. Pressure stops bleeding. After making sure Thea was really out cold, I grabbed my gun on the ground and shoved it back on my pocket. I didn't know if I was ready to kill someone. I squatted down and looked at her. And then I felt her memories seep into my mind.

 

I was in her body, and I could feel her emotions. I was angry. Extremely angry. And I could see my brother standing across from me. He had a smirk plastered on his face and his arms crossed, “Good job,” he told me, “You actually managed to beat me in a fight.” I suddenly noticed the cuts covering his body and the holes in his clothes. I could see some bruises that were just starting to form. “So,” he asked me, “wanna be my right hand man?” I frowned. He corrected himself, “Do you wanna help me rule the world?” I smiled.

 

“Oh...I don't know,” I responded. “How's the murder and mayhem?” 

 

“Pretty decent,” he said with a grin. “So do we have a deal?” Zachary held out his hand towards me and I took it. “Good.”

 

And then I was crouched over Thea again in the blink of an eye. I stood up again and reluctantly pulled my gun out of my pocket. Pointing it someone an intending to shoot is different than bluffing, and taking someone's life is even more terrifying. They say that it seems easier on the soul than it actually is. I shakily held it up towards her, and then closed my eyes. Thea was in this for the murder and the suffering. My brother was in this to try to protect me. Maybe I could save my brother's soul, but not hers. She was already claimed by the devil. I pulled the trigger, and the echo rang out. I wouldn't be surprised if everyone heard.

 

I opened my eyes and prayed I hadn't missed. I hadn't. The bullet was probably lodged in her brain or smashed against the concrete. I assumed the latter because of how close I was, but I wasn't sure, and I wasn't going to check. Blood seeped out from her skull and onto the pavement, staining it for what would probably be a week or so. People would probably avoid this place like a plague until it disappeared. 

  
I figured I needed to say something, so I said, “I'm sorry, Thea, but you really were a coyote, and you needed to be put down like a dog.” It wasn't really an apology, it was more of a justification to myself for what I had done. A girl who was probably younger than my brother, was dead by my own hands. “I promise that the others will get what's coming to them,” I finished and then started the walk back to my house. I was already almost there because apparently the top dog, or Jackal as it turns out, can't get it into his thick skull that I can escape from there. I looked around cautiously before removing my mask and shoving it under my shirt, then continuing to quickly walk to my house.


	14. Stalker Alert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided chapters and I'm so excited for the next few ones.

When I got to the house, I rapped on the door before I opened it, alerting my brother that I was home. “Hey, Zach? Is Arian here?” I called out, remembering that Arian had said he would be here when I got here. I waited a second. No reply. I waited another second. Still no reply. I called out again, “Zach?” I tried, then, “Arian?” I started to walk into the living room, but at the last minute my brother and Arian jumped out, startling me. Zach started laughing and then Arian followed his actions. I continued to frown. I didn't think being scared was funny. It isn't funny, especially when your brother and your brother friend, possibly boyfriend, are supposed to be enemies and are acting like friends. It's terrifying to know how good of an actor they both are. Zachary acts alive and happy. Arian acts like he's normal and not here to find me so we can make the world a better place through killing. Was that even possible? 

 

“We  _ so _ got you!” Zachary said between a pause in his cackling. He bent over and hit his knee repeatedly, as if scaring me was the funniest thing in the world. It wasn't. That would be reserved for our cat, Nubs, but now that I thought about it, I hadn't seen them lately. Where were they? 

 

“You should've seen your face!” Arian exclaimed, making my frown turn into a scowl.

 

I took a deep breath before responding, “It wasn't funny.” I crossed my arms and glared at Zach before turning my head to glare at Arian. Both of them didn't seem to realize how annoyed I was. I thought at least Arian wouldn't have found it funny, but despite my hopes, he seemed to think it was hilarious. “Really, Arian?” I asked and I uncrossed my arms. He shrugged. I looked back at my brother, “Did you trick him into this?” 

 

“Maybe,” he admitted. 

 

“I knew it!” I affirmed. I waited a few seconds before changing the topic, “Do you mind if I take him away from you for a bit, Zach?” I looked at Arian again and then back at my brother, hoping for some kind of reaction from Arian. There wasn't one.

 

My brother looked at me reluctantly before agreeing, “I guess, but just don't keep him too long. We gotta plan other things, like Thanksgiving...or Christmas. Maybe even something fun we could do without you.” He smirked and looked at Arian to see if he would agree. He shrugged again. Zach stopped smirking. “Take your time,” he told us before leaving the room.

 

I rubbed my arm and immediately hit fabric. I wondered why my brother didn't mention it. Did he not notice? I looked down at my arm to see that there was blood just starting to seep through, which meant that my scarf hadn't stopped the bleeding. “I think I need stitches,” I managed to say before Arian walked over and hugged me tightly.

 

“I know, I can feel it,” he whispered. I shivered. Arian continued whispering, “I was worried about you. I have some supplies I dropped off in your room under the pillow. I can try to stitch you up, but it's going to hurt. How deep did it look? We might have to use glue.”

 

_ Glue? _ I wondered. “I didn't get to see, it bled too quickly, so I assume not too deep, but I killed her, Arian,” I paused. “I killed someone today. Does that make me a bad person? I closed my eyes and pulled the trigger, then watched her bleed out on the concrete. Where does she go? Does she go to hell?” He shushed me and pulled away from our hug which made me realize I was crying. How did I cry so much without realizing it. Was I really out of tune with my emotions? “God, I'm such a mess. How do you put up with me crying all the time?” I asked.

 

He chuckled softly. “You're not a bad person, Kye. You're crying. That means you're concerned. It means you're still good. You'll always be good. No matter how many lives you take, it’s for the greater good. It makes you a good person. And you're not a mess, I mean maybe just slightly,” I lightly hit him, pretending as if I was betrayed, “but you're not a mess. And even if you are a mess, you're my mess, alright? I'll take care of you. I'll always make sure you're okay. As for hell...yeah. If that's where she gets judged to go, that's where she goes. I can't always choose. I have to be here to keep you safe, remember?” I smiled at his response. 

 

He reached for my hand and squeezed it. “I remember,” I confirmed. He started walking, slowly dragging me to my room. Both of our feet clicked on the ground and wooden boards creeked. When we reached my room, he carefully closed the door and I barely heard it close. Arian let go of my hand for a second to lift the pillow on my bed up, revealing a thick thread, super glue, a needle, and several wipes, which I assumed was to clean up the blood. My best friend walked back towards me and dragged me to the bed, slowly forcing me to sit down, then sitting next to me on my right side so he could take care of me. He unwrapped my arm carefully, and stopped every time I would wince when he pulled. Some blood had dried to my skin, and some of it was still oozing out, but slower this time. I looked at the cut and immediately looked away, earning more laughter from Arian.

 

“You'll be fine, I promise,” he told me then grabbed a few wipes and started to carefully wipe around the cut, avoiding direct contact with it. The coldness of the wipe felt nice against the heat of my fresh wound. “This may hurt,” he warned. Arian finally started to wipe the cut so he could see how deep it was. It was maybe half a centimeter. “Alright, now this will definitely hurt.” He grabbed the needle and broke some thread off before putting the thread through the eye of the needle of his first try. He grabbed my arm lightly around the area and pushed the needle through. I had to bite my hand to muffle my screams. It hurt like hell, or at least how I imagined it would be. 

 

I pulled my hand out of my mouth, and stared at Arian as if I was prolonging the inevitable. The thread was pulled all the way through and and about to be put through my arm a second time. And then I started panicking. Couldn't skin grow into fabric? Wasn't thread technically a fabric? Would I have thread in my skin forever? I had so many questions, but now it was too late. I had a feeling that taking the needle out the way it came would hurt more than just continuing with the thread and asking about it later. He narrowed his eyes at me, asking for permission to continue. I nodded. I wanted it closed before it started bleeding profusely again. Arian stuck the needle back into my skin and pulled tight. I let a sound escape my lips that sounded more like a croak than a scream. He sewed another line, and another, and finally it was stitched up.

 

He grabbed a few more wipes and started wiping the area he just sewed. “You'll need to keep it clean. Use bandages to cover it up, but don't use them the entire day. Cuts need oxygen, and too much moisture will cause complications,” he informed me. I pretended that I didn't know this information already and nodded. 

 

“So…” I started, “was that whole dream thing real? Like...when I died. Was that really my subconscious? Were the wings a part of my mind too? Do you actually have wings?” I watched Arian grab a large bandage and cover my arm and then stare at me. “You do, don't you?”

 

Arian smiled at me sheepishly, “Why do you think I always refused to change around people in the locker room?” I shrugged. “I have them binded,” he told me, “but I think people would still notice.”

 

I opened my mouth to speak, I had always thought that he was just shy. I never really knew the reason why he got his own room to change his clothes. There were always rumors about why he was treated specially. I still had no idea why the teacher agreed to it, but I had a reasonable idea. I closed my mouth and then opened it again. “Can I see them?” I blurted out.

 

He laughed before standing up again to take off his shirt. “Yeah, I guess you can,” he agreed. Arian somehow managed to struggle getting out of his shirt. He got stuck halfway, which made me laugh. “Can I have some help?” he pleaded. I nodded, and continued laughing as I stood up to help him just as he got unstuck. “Nevermind.” I laughed even harder before noticing what was wrapped around his torso. I abruptly stopped laughing.

 

I reached out to touch the bandages around his body. “Are these...ace bandages?” I asked him in a concerned voice, then looking up at him for some kind of reaction. “Arian, take them off, now,” I demanded. “And then sit down. How long have you been wearing these today?” He shrugged. “Arian, I'm serious, take them off now. You're putting pressure on your ribcage that shouldn't be there.”

 

He frowned, “Fine.” I watched him unravel them slowly, and I wanted to tell him to hurry up, but I held my tongue. It was agonizing watching him care so little. I was so worried that I didn't even react when I saw little tufts of black feathers stand out against the tan of the ace wrap. I immediately took them from him when he finished taking them off. “How am I supposed to leave the house now?” he asked me accusingly.

 

“We'll figure it out somehow, but for now you're staying here. We'll have a sleepover. You can just constantly carry a blanket around and say you're cold,” I said aloud, voicing every thought that came my way.

 

“Yeah, but one problem. I'm not cold. Actually, two problems. I'm not cold, and I'd get your blanket dirty,”  he argued.

 

“It's better than wearing ace bandages,” I barked back. He deflated, and didn't respond back. I backed up and sat on my bed, then scooted back so I was sitting against the wall. I patted the bed beside me for him to sit down. Arian took my cue and sat beside me.

 

He rested his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes, his wings tucked tightly against his back. “How long has it been since you've painted?” he asked me quietly, almost making me feel guilty for yelling at him. “You should paint a mural on this wall. It's gray and boring.” 

 

I snorted and lightly shoved him. “My wall isn't boring. It's fine. Besides, I don't even know what I would paint. What would make my room less boring to you?” I asked him. I turned my head to look at his face. He looked asleep. 

 

“You could paint me,” he offered. 

 

I laughed at him, “Now who's selfish?” 

 

He smiled at me, and suddenly looked less asleep. He just looked tired. “I never said you were selfish, Kieran.” I wanted to argue that he probably had called me selfish in the past, but I couldn't recall any instance where he had. “But you can't argue that I wouldn't look great on your wall. Doesn't black go well with gray?” he continued.

 

“Your wings aren't just black,” I told him. They were multiple colors. They seemed like that reflected the light. They were beautiful. He was beautiful. “They're every color. Blue, black, red, pink, green, purple, they're so beautiful. The light just sort of bounces off them. It's...so beautiful. How can you not see it? But I'm not going to paint you on my wall when it wouldn't do you any justice. And I have you right here, so I don't need to paint you. I can see you every day.”

 

He opened his eyes and I swore my heart stopped. I couldn't read what emotion he was feeling, but I felt like I knew what he was going to say. I felt like we were a single entity. “If you painted me it would do me more justice than I need, Kieran. I'm sure I would look beautiful in any way you painted me. If you just painted a line and said it was me, I'm sure anyone would immediately believe you because it would be so vastly different than any other line.” He finally spread out his wings and wrapped them around me in a reassuring manner. They were as soft as a baby blanket, and as warm as bread just out of the oven. I could've fallen asleep like this.

 

“Your wings…” I said softly. “They're so soft. I wish I had wings,” I whined. He chuckled. “So, what kind of person gets wings? Why can't I have wings?”

 

Arian straightened himself and thought about it before responding, “I'm an angel, Kye. We tend to have wings,” I giggled, “but you did have wings once. They were white, and so beautiful.The first time I met you was in heaven. You were an angel, just like me. I suppose that's why your soul is so unique. You were the only angel to be born with white wings in a long time. The other angels said you were God reincarnated. You were the only angel to actually fall to understand humanity. When the others fell, they became demons. You became human.” l

 

I held my breath, waiting for him to continue the story. “But you didn't think you would forget. You forgot everything just to become human. You left me behind,” I watched Arian’s eyes start to water, “and I didn't know how to continue our assignment without you. I came here to see if I could bring you back, but every time you died, you stayed here. You never came back to heaven with me, so I stayed. I gave you your mask in hopes you'd start to remember me, but you never did. Kieran, I've known you for hundreds of years, and in all the reincarnations of you, they've never gotten their wings back. If you ever remember, you might get them back, but you'd be different. I don't know how it would change you, but you'd still be different. So, you could try to remember and get your wings back, but I wouldn't care if you stayed the same.”

 

I laughed quietly, and Arian looked at me with an annoyed expression. “I can't believe I had wings that were white. Did they suit me? Do I always look the same? Wait, no, I was a girl last wasn't I? I had boobs. I bet I looked different.” 

 

“Kieran, this is the first version of you I've seen with blonde hair. You're usually brunette,” Arian told me flatly. I blinked. “I have a pictures of you from a few lifetimes ago if you want to see. Heaven's always been ahead of the technology you guys have. I have a scrapbook if you don't believe me.” 

 

I blinked again before responding, “Dude, that's creepy. Do you at least ask my permission?” He shrugged. “That's...really creepy. Anyways, you can't leave the house without your wings bound, right? And I'm not letting you use ace bandages again. You're going to get seriously hurt one day.” He pulled his wings away from me for a second and hopped off my bed, then walked over to my closet. He started digging through my things before pulling out a book that reminded me of a Harry Potter book without it's cover. He brought it over to me and opened it.  

 

The book started with a man that looked similar to me, except he had more life in his smile. He seemed happier. That and his hair wasn't blonde, just like Arian said. His was black, not brown, and he had green eyes. I had blonde hair and blue eyes. I felt like almost the complete opposite person. And then I noticed a faint outline of wings around the man. “I can see wings,” I told Arian.

 

He nodded, “It's in all the photos. It's how I figured out who you were. If I look in your old yearbook photos, you can see wings too. I would've assumed you were someone else because you look different, but you're the only angel to be reborn as human. So you must be him.” He pointed turned to the end of the book and pointed at a girl, “That's Zoey.” She had long brown hair and happy blue eyes. She was wearing a floral print dress and a black hairband. If I saw her on the streets, I would've assumed she was a normal happy girl. She didn't seem like the assassin-type my brother mentioned she was. “Remember how I told you the last guy wasn't stable? This is the last guy. I told her everything I told you and I think she took it the wrong way. She didn't love me, she hated me. She used me. She killed hundreds in my name, but that's not what I'm here for. I'm here to make the world a better place by killing the evil. She didn't even care. If someone got on the wrong side of her, she'd kill them. I know you're better than that.” He looked at me as if he needed my reassurance. I nodded. 

 

I took the book from him and flipped through it, some of the photos were in black and white, and some of them were drawings which I assumed he drew. Arian was a better artist than I expected. “You drew these?” I asked as I pointed to an image. 

 

He nodded, “Yeah. You tried to teach me to draw a long time ago, and I guess it kind of worked. You can at least recognize it's a person.”

 

I gasped at how he was talking, “Arian! These are great. They're...stunning. Why didn't you go to art class with me? You told me you can't draw. Holy shit dude, seriously. Wow. How didn't I know?” I grabbed one of his hands. “You even have artist's hands!” I exclaimed.

 

He smiled shyly. “I felt like I had to do you proud. I don't really show them to people, but I've been practicing since you taught me. I drew you in class once, but it's old. I think I did it the first time I met you.” 

 

“ _ These  _ are old,” I told him. “That's probably the most recent picture of me you have. I want to see. It's not in the scrapbook. Wait, or is everything randomly placed? Because I was thinking that I would be after Zoey, but I didn't see anything. I could be on the back of the page, couldn't I?” I kept asking him questions that came to mind, I wouldn't be surprised if he was annoyed by now. 

 

“I don't put the pictures in until after you've died. I like to focus on you here, right now. You'd think with the newer technology on Earth I would have more pictures of you, but I think I have even less pictures of you than I ever did.” He took the book back from me and closed it. I frowned as he stood back up and shoved the book somewhere in my closet.  _ When did he even get in here to put the book _ ? I wondered. 

 

I decided to voice my thoughts again. “When did you put that book in my closet?” I asked him, but before he could respond I had another question buzzing in my brain, “Can you fly?” Arian stopped walking back and seemed confused by my question. “Like if I pushed you off a building would you fall or could you flap your wings and fly?” 

 

He started walking over to me again and sat beside me on my bed before laying down, squishing me against the wall. It was either lay down or continuing being uncomfortable, so I laid down. “I think I could manage to fly, but I'm not sure. We don't actually fly in heaven. Heaven is kind of like Earth, everyone just has wings and clothing we can put them through. By the way, binding with ace bandages is what they teach up there, so it's not like I would know how to do it with anything else.” I kept thinking about what he told me. Clothing with holes in them for wings. An idea was forming in my mind, but every idea that I had kept being shot down. “Hey, Kieran? Whatcha thinking about?” he asked, interrupting my thoughts.

 

“How we could properly bind your wings,” I explained. “Still nothing so far, but I'll find something. I'm not letting you leave the house with those ace bandages.” 

>   
>  Just then, before I could hear Arian’s amused retort, my brother knocked on my door. “Can I come in?” he asked. “Everyone decent?” I wanted to laughed, but all I could think about was Arian’s wings. If he opened the door, he would see them. I didn't know how much he knew about Osiris, but seeing Arian with wings was probably not a good thing. And if he recognized that Arian was Osiris, then he'd connect me to Anubis, and then we'd have to fight it out right here. There wouldn't be a safe place for us anymore. I carefully prodded Arian and pointed at the blanket on the ground. He quickly pulled it off the ground just as my brother said, “Alright, I'm coming in,” and turned the knob. I barely had enough time to situate the blanket before my brother opened the door and walked in.


	15. Pineapple Pizza Ruins My Life

I'm sure the first thing he noticed was that we were both under a blanket. I could see his eyes scan the room before his eyes locked with mine. “Woah,” he said, “I didn't actually mean it.” I could feel my face heating up, but Arian wasn't reacting. “Well...I just thought I should tell you guys that I ordered pizza. It should be here in like...15 minutes. So get dressed.” He gave me a small thumbs up before closing the door.

 

I shoved Arian off my bed and glared. “What made you think laying down was a good idea?” I questioned. He landed with a thump on his side, his wings tucked tightly against his back. 

 

“I was uncomfortable!” he complained as he pushed himself off the ground so he was sitting criss-cross applesauce. He glared at me from the ground for pushing him off the bed. I hopped off my bed and held out my hand to him, and he took it without hesitation. “So what blanket are you lending me to leave the room?” he asked as I struggled to pull him up. It wasn't that I wasn't strong enough to pull him up, it was that his feet kept sliding when I pulled him up and he wasn't making an effort to actually stand up.

 

I thought about which blankets he could use, I didn't have very many, but I knew I had some from old set that I didn't use anymore. “You can take the dark blue one from my old twin bed. It's small so you won't suffocate with all the blanket,” I told him and pointed to my dresser in the corner of my room. I pointed to the bottom drawer and he walked over to it to open it before attempting to pull it and look back at me. I snorted and walked over, pulling it out without much difficulty. Arian pulled out the first thing he saw, which was luckily the blanket. I didn't want to go through my dresser if he couldn't find it.

 

I watched him wrap the blanket around himself and he watched me walk over to my closet. I pulled an old white shirt off a hanger and quickly walked over to my dresser, grabbing a pair of scissors and then walking behind my best friend. “I'll cut some holes so you can appear to wear a shirt. I don't want to make my brother feel awkward,” I informed him so he wouldn't freak out when I shoved the shirt against his back to find where I would need to put the holes. He flinched when I touched him and I raised an eyebrow. Was he surprised? I'd ask him later when we weren't rushing to get out of the room. I quickly cut slits in the shirt and handed it to him.

 

He took it without question and put it over his head, then about halfway, he used his hands to put the wings through carefully. I couldn't imagine taking the few extra seconds to put wings through a shirt. Maybe it was easier when the clothes were specifically made for it. “The holes could be cut a bit wider, but for now they'll work. It's just slightly snug,” he critiqued while moving his wings in different directions to see how comfortable it made moving, then flattening them against the shirt and holding out his hand out for the blanket he dropped on the ground when he put on the shirt. I rolled my eyes and huffed before bending over and grabbing the blanket. “Thanks,” he said when he took the blanket.

 

“You're welcome,” I responded. Arian wrapped it around himself tightly, so tightly that I almost believed he was cold. I knew he wasn't cold. He was never cold. He was usually warm, not cold. I took one last glance at him before taking a deep breath and putting one foot in front of the other so I could reach the door. I grabbed the brassy handle and pulled it open. My door squeaked. “Zachary?” I called as I exited the room with Arian. “Is the pizza here yet?” I asked.

 

My brother rounded the corner with a large pizza in his hands, “Yep. I hope you like pineapple on your pizza.”

 

I groaned. I hated pineapple on pizza. It polluted the taste of both things. Pineapple by itself? Delicious. Pineapple on pizza? Nope. “You didn't,” I complained. He grinned. “You didn't,” I said again.

 

“I did,” he confirmed, “but only on half the pizza. Don't worry, your side isn't ‘polluted’.” My brother said the word polluted with his hands in the air making quotation marks. “Arian and I can eat the good pizza, and you can eat the bad side, right Arian?” I looked back at Arian to see if he would really betray be like that. 

 

“Yep,” he agreed. It was official. My best friend, partner, boyfriend if you wanted to say, had betrayed me. I gasped in mock horror. “It's not that bad,” he tried to convince me, “you should try it. Your taste buds do change.” 

 

I backed away from him. “Never!” I exclaimed dramatically. “I won't be poisoned by your pizza. No pineapple. Ever. I tried it once and I think I died inside a bit.” I hoped I didn't go too far and that Arian knew I was joking. He started smiling and I felt a weight be lifted from my shoulders.

 

My brother set the pizza box on the coffee table in the living room and opened the box. It was sadly true that there was pineapple on half the pizza, but at least I got more pizza if they decided to just eat their toxic side. I muttered something about how they should leave pineapple off pizza and sat on the wooden chair I sat on before Arian gave me my mask. “Really?” Zach asked me incredulously. I shrugged. “I told you we were going to get rid of that thing, like, months ago.”

 

I could remember him asking me about it, but I could also remember being stubborn. “I told you that we're keeping the chair. It was mom's,” I defended, crossing my arms as if it would emphasize my point. It didn't. Arian looked at me for further explanation; I didn't give him one. 

 

My brother stared at me for several long seconds before giving in, “Whatever, but when the chair breaks on you, it'll be your fault.” He grabbed a slice of pineapple pizza and took a bite. He moaned and tried to convince me that the pizza wasn't poisonous, “This is really good, Kye. You should really have some.” 

 

Arian followed Zach’s example and grabbed a slice to eat. I continued staring at them from my chair. “You should eat, Kieran,” he told me. I remained sitting. “I'm not going to bring the box over to you.” I continued sitting with my arms crossed for several more moments before finally standing up. “There we go.”

 

I reluctantly made my way to the box and grabbed a plain slice, hoping it hadn't already been polluted by the pineapple. I took a bite, expecting it to taste awful, but it actually tasted okay. The pizza wasn't good, but it wasn't bad either. I quickly finished my piece and sat on the couch this time. I didn't want to eat anymore of the pizza. It wasn't the best. Arian finished it slice and took another one before walking over to me and joining me. I could smell the pineapple and the pizza. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. “Stop trying to poison me,” I told him. He laughed and continued eating his second slice. I suddenly shivered and looked to the vents. I looked over to my brother and asked, “What temperature is the thermostat at?” He shrugged. “Go check.”

 

He stood up and walked around the corner and shouted at me, “Sixty-five!” That cold? No wonder I was shivering. I looked over at Arian and he lifted the blanket slightly. I scooted closer to him and let him drape the blanket against me. I hoped I’d warm up. “Do you want me to turn it up to seventy?” my brother asked. 

 

I buried myself under the blankets more and pressed myself closer to Arian's wings. They were like a furnace. I think Arian took the hint and responded for me, “Yeah, I think Kieran's being overdramatic about how cold it is,” I looked up at Arian in offense, but he continued, “but sixty-five does seem a bit low.” I agreed completely. Even seventy seemed cold to me. I was just a naturally cold person. Even the blanket I was under now could be plugged in so it would be warm. Arian looked down at me and kissed my cheek in a reassuring manner. I smiled as I felt him wrap a wing around me from under the blanket.

 

When my brother returned to the room he giggled. I assumed we looked pretty silly wrapped around each other under a blanket as Arian continued to trying to finish eating his second piece. “‘m cold…” I muttered at Zach. He giggled louder. “I don't know how you guys are always so warm. It's not fair! I'm always so cold. I'd trade places with you in a heartbeat. I'm dying, I swear. That's why I'm so cold. I'm becoming a corpse. Corpses are cold. I'm cold. Coincidence? I don't think so.” I knew I was complaining for no reason, but I couldn't stop once I started. “Corpses don't have to deal with being cold. They're dead. They don't feel it. It I could just be...the perfect temperature that would be great. I don't want to be a corpse. I wanna be a fire or something. Arian's hot as hell,” my brother laughed again and I realized what I said could be taken in another context, but it was still too late to stop me, “and I'm like the coldest places of hell. Wait, why is hell two different temperatures?”

 

I looked to Arian, expecting some mystical answer about how hell isn't actually hot or cold and it's just like Earth, but for demons, but he just shrugged. I assumed he knew the answer, maybe he was just refusing to tell me around my brother. We couldn't trust my brother entirely anymore. I never fully trusted anyone so it wasn't like it would be a difficult change, but it was still different to not be able to mention things I wanted to. I wanted to tell my brother who and what Arian was, so he would be just as excited, but I knew if I did, he wouldn't be happy about it at all. After waiting forever to hear a response from someone, my brother responded, “Probably because it's supposed to make people suffer. Some people hate the cold, some people hate the heat.” I looked back at Arian to see if there was truth in his answer, but he still didn't react. How was Arian such a good actor?

 

“I guess that makes sense, but I guess that means I better make more of an effort to be in decent temperature the rest of my life,” I said without thinking. Arian looked at me with concern, and I could tell my brother felt the same way about what I said. If they didn't want an honest answer, then they shouldn't have said what they said, although I supposed I chose the topic. I felt Arian wrap his arm around me as if his wing wasn't enough. 

 

Zachary glanced at the pizza box, but didn't walk over and grab a third piece like I expected he would. He remained fixated on me. Was I china to him? Able to break with one mistake? “Kieran, you're not going to hell,” he attempted to soothe me. Of course I wasn't going to hell, I wouldn't even go to heaven. I'd just be reincarnated over and over again. Hell seemed like a nicer option if Arian ever decided to leave my side. Maybe if I became the person he used to know, I would know what to do.

 

“It's not like you could stop me from going,” I retorted. I knew it hit him pretty deeply since he was trying to care for me and all I was doing was pushing him away. I felt Arian stiffen beside me. Why was I doing this? I was having a good day and here I was ruining it for everyone else. Maybe I should just kill myself again. It was always an option.

 

Arian looked at me and firmly whispered, “No, Kieran. It's never an option.” Had I said what I was thinking outloud? I looked at my brother who had gone white. I fucked up, and I couldn't stop the dominos from falling. 

 

“Kieran, what the hell?” he said in a raised voice. I winced, and he lowered his voice. “What's gotten into to you? Just because you feel guilty about saying that doesn't mean you should kill yourself. And what do you mean again?” I looked to Arian for help, but I could also early read his face. It read: you messed up, fix it yourself.

 

I pulled away from Arian and shivered. I just needed to be segregated from everyone at the moment. I looked up at my brother and kept my mouth shut. He didn't get to understand me. He was the one who deserved nothing. He was the Jackal, and my enemy. I would rather go mute than spill my secrets, but the only way to truly keep your secrets is to die. Too bad I couldn't exactly stay dead. I stood up and ignored their protests as I made my way to my room. Zach tried to stop me but I pushed him out of the way, and then locked my door behind me. I immediately went to my best and grabbed the blanket on the floor that I hadn't given to Arian. I pulled it over my head and cried.  _ God, I am such a mess.  _

 

“Kieran,” I could hear my brother cry. It was the first time I'd heard him cry in years. The last time I heard him cry was when Nubs had destroyed his teddy bear. He didn't cry when mom died, and he didn't cry when dad died, but he cried at the thought of losing me.

 

I could hear Arian push Zach out of the way and try to get me to respond. I'm sure they could hear me crying from outside the door. “Kye, open the door, please,” he begged. I didn't even try to get up to open the door. “I know you're still upset about your parents,” he continued.

 

“You don't know anything about how I feel!” I hissed. Something inside me broke as I screamed at him. I wouldn't be surprised if it was our connection. What if he was wrong about me being an angel he knew a long time ago? Maybe this was the final straw to me getting to live my life. I couldn't just live my life knowing what I knew now. Angels? Arian? That someone was in charge of killing the evil of the world? I needed to apologize. I couldn't keep them believing I hated them. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean that,” I whimpered out.

 

My brother tried to talk to me again, “Kieran? Can you please open the door? We're concerned. Even if you meant what you said, it doesn't matter. We can take it. Just please open the door so we know you're alright.”

 

I tossed the blanket off myself, but otherwise stayed still. If they gave into my request, then I would open the door, if they didn't, then I would keep the door closed. “Can I just...talk to Arian for now? I'll open the door, I swear. I just don't want to be overwhelmed right now.” The request would probably segregate my brother and I even further, but I couldn't handle two people at the moment. I needed reassurance and someone who I could pose questions to, not someone who wanted answers to his questions and some reassurance. I knew my brother cared, but he was also more curious than I was. He would make it seem like everything would be okay, then ask me questions to the point I push him away again. This was for the best.

 

“Yeah…” Zach replied. I smiled at the thought he didn't try to fight me on this.

 

I stood up from my bed and made my way over to the door, as I approach, my brother started walking away. I turned the lock and opened the door. Arian was bundled under blankets just as I had left him, only this time he was in front of my door, concerned. “Don't let the cold in,” I told him and ushered him into my room. I ushered him into my room so quickly that the blanket fell off of him and his wings were fully exposed. Luckily, my brother was already far away. I closed the door and locked it again. “So…” I started.

 

“So…” Arian mimicked. “You know that just because your brother has done bad things, that doesn't make him damned. He still cares about you. I still care about you. And what about Scarlet? The girl you went to go see.”

 

I crossed my arms and frowned at the memory. “I doubt it. When I left, she was reciting bible verses at me,” I told him, pausing to recount more the it, just so Arian could know, “Actually, that was her mom, but she didn't stand up for me at all. She asked me why I didn't keep my mouth shut, so I left.” Arian made a face. I tried to explain, “She's...different around her family. They don't know she's Scarlet Scion, so she doesn't step out of line. She pretends to be a perfect student, and then does whatever she wants at night.” He nodded and opened his mouth to speak just as I remembered what I told her. “I told her that you would pick her up and bring her here tomorrow so we could talk. I just left as quick as I could. Too upset, but I knew I couldn't let go of an ally.”

 

Arian stared at me for several seconds before giving me some sort of speech, “So you're telling me that you can think clearly enough to not say something impulsive like you did earlier, but you didn't. Is it because she's a stranger and she has less problems with you than we do? Because I've only known you for a year, technically longer, but I've only known this you for a short period of time. You meet her a day and the only problem you find with her is that she lets her parents walk all over her? Did you mention that to her like you did with us, or did you just leave.” He crossed his arms and I wished my brother could be in here to take a photo of us with both our arms crossed. I bet we looked like argumentative children. 

 

I was hurting enough people today, why should I stop? “Are you really upset that I yelled at you? I thought at least you'd understand. She’s a stranger. She’s easier to lose than you or my brother. I’m not saying that I would rather lose you, I’m saying you would understand more than she would, but I guess I was wrong,” I argued back, almost wishing to get a hurt reaction out of him. That's how you hurt people, not with lies, but with the honest truth. You can twist the honesty in such a way that it hurts, something you can't do with lies. Lies are almost predictable and take little effort to find out if they're actual lies or not, but the truth? Once someone finds out that you didn't lie, it justs carves an even deeper wound. With honesty, you can absolutely destroy a person, only this wasn't enough to destroy Arian. If I truly wanted to, it would have to be repetitive. I didn't want to destroy him. I had to calm down. I deep a deep breath and apologised, “I'm sorry.”

 

“Don't apologise for something that's true,” he responded almost immediately after my apology. Couldn't he see it? I wasn't apologising for being honest, I was apologising for intending to hurt him. I wanted to use my words as daggers. He smiled at me, actually smiled. What was he? Crazy? “You know, you don't look like him, but you're almost exactly like him. I know what you're trying to do,” he told me. “You're trying to do that honest thing that you always did, but you don't mean that. You're just letting off steam, I get that. Kieran, I'm sorry for...being me.” 

 

“You?” I asked. “That was as far from you as I've ever seen. It was almost as if…” The pieces suddenly clicked together. “You were jealous!” I exclaimed. And for the first time, I got a reaction out of him. It seemed like a lot of firsts were happening recently. First kiss, first time to hear my brother cry since before our parents died, first time to get bible verses recited at me, so many firsts. Arian blushed. I grinned. “That's adorable, still doesn't change what you said though.” I snapped my fingers, “That reminds me. I need to go patrolling tonight, right? Actually, don't answer that. The answer is yes. I thought you should come with me.” I wasn't sure why I was the master of changing topics, but hopefully it was good enough for Arian. I wanted things to be normal again, even if I had a darkness inside me that just wanted to hurt, hurt, hurt.

 

Arian's smile grew bigger and he almost screamed his reply at me he was so excited, “I thought you'd never ask! It's been years since I've gone on patrol with you. I still have my costume from the first time around.” He was like an excited little puppy. It wasn't even surprising that he had gone on patrol before. 

 

“But we'll have to do it late tonight. After my brother leaves. If he doesn't leave, we leave at midnight through the window. Wait, you're own costume? Where is it?” I asked. Knowing Arian, it could be anywhere, including my own house.

 

“Your closet,” he responded. I gave him a look that read  _ really?  _ and he shrugged. “It was the best place I could find. Honestly, I'm surprised you haven't noticed sooner. My mask looks almost identical to yours, just circles for eyes instead of  Xs. “I have a jacket though. It's specifically designed for my wings so I can have them out during patrol. We can try your flying theory, but if I die it's your fault.”

 

I interrupted him before he could start a new sentence, “If you fly, you're carrying me everywhere.”

 

Arian chuckled, “Of course I will, as long as you aren't too heavy for me to carry. Angels don't have super strength. We're just humans...with wings...and maybe a bit of magical power, but other than that, human.”

 

“Well maybe if you told me more about heaven instead of us, I would know that,” I retorted. 

 

“Well maybe if you asked more about heaven and not us, you would know more than you do,” Arian barked back. “Anyways, back to the main situation at hand, you're brother is obviously still concerned. I think you should talk to him before we leave for patrol.” I waited for him to say ‘ _ I'm joking!’  _ but that never came. 

 

I cleared my throat. “I'll talk to him tomorrow.”

 

Arian looked at me as if I was a child he was about to scold. “No,” he said in that disapproving parent's voice, “Today.” I shook my head no. “He's your brother, even though he's done bad things. He deserves to know what's up with you...just not all of it. Just the parts he needs to hear, like you being alright.” I stared at him.  _ Really? _ “Okay, I know you're not alright, but you're alright.” 

 

Arian wasn't making any sense. I wasn't alright, I doubted I would ever completely be alright. I felt selfish knowing that some people had worse histories than I did, and I was probably making this way too big than it actually was, but it's hard to change yourself, and even then, it takes time. And time is something I don't have. “That makes no sense.”

 

Arian flapped his hands around, trying to get me to understand what he meant, but it didn't help at all. “It's just,” he tried to explain. “You'll be okay one day. You'll be fine eventually. You're just...dealing with stuff. You'll get better. You're alright. You're not going to put another bullet in your head today is what I'm trying to tell you, so for now you're alright.” 

 

It felt like he was trying to convince himself more than myself. He couldn't possibly know how it feels to have your life uprooted by one event. If only that thief hadn't killed my mom, and then my dad wouldn't have killed himself. I wouldn't have to stress myself about school just so I could get a decent job, although all of that was just thrown down the drain. I got so sick, and missed so many days of school. There were probably so many rumors about why I was gone by now, and my brother probably had to deal with them every day. Fuck how I was doing, how was he doing? It's always been about me, me, me, but it can't be always about me. I'm so goddamn selfish. So selfish that I let everything happen. I'm the event that uprooted my life. I'm such a terrible person that I caused my own destruction before I even knew how bad things could've got. How did my brother deal with me? I blamed him, for being the innocent soul, for being the younger brother, but it was me all this time. 

 

By now, I was hyperventilating, and trying to calm myself down, but I couldn't stop everything that was coming to my mind. My fault, all my fault. No one deserved to be around me, and I pushed myself onto them, and that's why everyone left. That's why people love my brother and hate me. Because he isn't selfish, he's even became a murderer just to protect me. And what have I done? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Arian watched my fall to into the descent of my destructive mind, and he didn't do anything. Maybe I should just push him away. Push everyone away for the first time in my life. Refuse to accept this craziness any longer. Let my brother finish what he started. Maybe my life would just be better that way, without me calling the shots. Without me controlling everyone around me.

 

I could barely breathe anymore, I had to back up into my bed to find it and sit down. I immediately started rocking back and forth silently, as if something so insignificant could cure me. It didn't calm me down at all, and eventually I started crying. At least it was soothing. Arian finally took that as the cue to try to help me. Couldn't he see me falling to pieces before this moment? Could he not hear my struggle to breathe or the terrible things I thought about myself? Why couldn't he just do exactly what I needed him to do? I cried harder. I was trying to figure out some way to control him, and then more realizations came. He let me manipulate and control him, even after he knew what I did and learned every single trick of mine. He was so concerned about my health he took the back burner every time something was wrong with me. This wasn't a healthy relationship. I couldn't do this, but I couldn't even try to tell him that this wasn't right. He wouldn't listen.

 

“What's wrong?” he asked me quietly as he sat next to me on my bed. I didn't respond, and kept crying. It felt like it would never end. This was how I would die. I would cry, and cry, and cry, and my room would flood, and I would suffocate. Then Arian could find a better version of myself, unless I was meant to die later. I hated this. I just wanted to die and stay dead, and not have to deal with the aftermath. If Arian thought that this was some sort of repayment, or God’s will or something, this wasn't that. I didn't care if my soul was neither good or bad, because clearly my soul was so manipulative and tainted that no one even realized it. They just assumed that I was neither good nor bad, and let me go on my way. How was everyone so blind? And how was I so selfish? “I'm sorry,” he said. “I didn't think I did anything wrong. What did I do Kieran? I'm sorry.” 

 

I just needed to be alone, but I couldn't be alone. It was selfish to not be alright and hang around people who care. I wanted to tell him that I was okay, but I wasn't, and I wouldn't be able to look him in the eyes if I lied.  _ It wouldn't be the first time _ , my mind whispered to me. Even my mind was trying to pollute me. My mind knew that I wasn't innocent. I wasn't meant to be here.  _ Just use a bit of truth, and he'll never know. It's not really lying is it?  _ I wanted to scream to be left alone, but it would just cause more worry than me going silent. I had to force myself to talk. I had to lie. I just needed him out of the room. I would apologize and tell the truth later. Maybe he wouldn't even believe me. “You didn't do anything.” It wasn't a lie, but there was more I had to say. And I had to say it in such a convincing way that he wouldn't believe me if I told him I was lying. “I'm fine, I just had a moment. I'm fine.” I clearly wasn't okay though. My breathing still wasn't steady, and I was still crying. “Just give me a few seconds and I'll be better. I promise.” Now I had to think of ways to get him to leave. “Tell my brother I need to be alone for awhile. You can take my guns if you're really concerned. I just need to take a nap and sort of my emotions. Please, just go.” 

  
Arian searched my face, looking for where there was a fault in my lie, but I knew there wasn't one he would call me out on if he found it. “...I'll see you in an hour, Kieran. I'll see if Zach and I can do something.” He had given up, which meant he was still taking a step back because he was afraid of me. So afraid, and he didn't even realize it. He got up off my bed, and left my room. He shut the door behind him.


	16. Too Tired To Exist

I was alone. Isolated. I had finally got my wish, but somehow it didn't make me feel any better. I tried to steady my breathing, and it worked for awhile, but then the thoughts came back because Arian was  _ afraid.  _ Was my brother afraid of me? Was I afraid of my brother? Was I afraid of Arian? If they were both afraid of me, then I had completely failed. I had promised mom that everything would be alright, but lately everything was falling apart. Everything felt pointless and I felt dead. Not even death made me feel alive. I laid down and tried to calm my breathing down again, or at least stop crying. My breathing eventually steadied, and then I stopped crying, but my mind was still thinking. Even if I was asleep, my brain liked to torture me with nightmares. Maybe Arian would kill me in this one. Maybe I wouldn't be able to separate it from real life this time. The possibilities were endless.

 

When Arian knocked on my door to check on me, I was still half asleep. I wanted to continue sleeping, but I promised an hour. No more punishments from my dreams at least. This time I was being chased by a three headed dog through a forest. If I stopped for a single second, I would've been eaten. I even felt tired after waking up. “What time is it?” I murmured into my pillow, hoping he could still hear me. I didn't want to repeat myself. Maybe I could just invite him to go to sleep with me until we had to go patrolling. 

  
“It's 6. Zach and I bought groceries and made dinner, but you look tired.” I wanted to tell him,  _ Way to state the obvious,  _ but I was too tired. I mumbled something. “You can continue sleeping if you want...you can always reheat the food or something.” I agreed that sleep felt great, so I listened to him close the door again. It didn't even occur to me to ask him how he went in public without a blanket, or if he took the blanket with him. I just fell back into sleep almost immediately after he left.


	17. The Boy with the Antler and His Partially Blind Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my favorite chapter

I woke up again, and it was pitch black in my room. I couldn't see anything, not even the palm of my hand. I tried to see if, and kept moving it forward until I hit my face smack dab in the middle. I frowned when I noticed someone was laying next to me. I didn't know how I could've possibly missed Arian laying next to me, no matter how tired I was. I was a light sleeper. Did he forget we had patrol? I shook him, and waited for him to stir. I shook him again and he finally responded with a groan. “Wake me up next month.” I giggled at his response. Now he knew how bad I felt when he woke me up. 

 

“Patrol,” I reminded him. He groaned again. “You were the one who wanted to go.”

 

“And you're the one who wants me to leap off buildings to see if I can fly, so we're even. Let's go back to sleep.” I couldn't believe that he threw together such an argument if he was so tired. He was probably messing around with me.

 

“Arian, seriously. You can either stay here and sleep, or go on patrol with me, but you have to move so I can get out of my bed. And if you don't move, I'm pushing you out.” Arian didn't respond. “Do you think I'm messing around?”

 

He sighed and pushed himself up, then pushed himself off the bed. “Not really, but every second counts.” He then proceeded to look me in the eyes, and then bend backwards to pop his back. I felt like I was watching the Exorcist. I heard the pops and winced. Popping your back is completely different from popping your back. 

 

“So you're coming with me?” I asked. I needed to know for sure, because Arian was a confusing person. He could've meant that he was tired and intending to go back to sleep. 

 

“Wouldn't miss it for the world,” he replied with a tired smile. It seemed odd how friendly we had became after arguing, well not really arguing, but after I had an argument with myself and he watched. Maybe this was his way of taking the back burner again. 

 

“Good, get your jacket and mask and I'll grab my mask and scarf.” The place we lived in was so confusing. One moment it was the pit of hell, the next moment it was Antarctica, and at this time of night, I was sure it was below freezing. I made my way over to my closet and grabbed my mask, then made my way to my dresser and grabbed my scarf. I put the mask on first and wrapped my scarf around my neck and partially over my mask. I smiled at Arian from behind the mask, but it's not like he could see me smile.

 

He grabbed his jacket from my closet and put it on. He had his wings flattened against his back until the hole was almost right next to them, then he spread him out. I smiled even wider when he put on the mask on. “Ready?” I nodded.

 

Arian opened the window to my room and I shivered. He climbed out without much effort, and I followed him with almost as much effort. I closed the window behind me and quietly said my goodbye to the house. What if this was the night something went wrong and I never came back? Surely Arian would try to stop me from leaving if I was going to die? Or what if that was why he had agreed? To try to save my life. If I was being honest, I didn't deserve to be saved. Why couldn't I just be damned already? 

 

“So for the flying part, do we wanna start small so I don't die, or do we wanna go all or nothing?” he asked. I was starting to see how worried he was about this, but it was irrational, wasn't it? Then again, not all birds fly. Too bad he wasn't a bird.

 

“All or nothing,” I replied. I realized how selfish I was being, but he wasn't telling me no. If he wanted to be safe, then all he had to do was say that two letter word. No. “We start at the top of CORP. It's where I fell last time.” 

 

“Isn't that in the next town over?”

 

I shrugged. “Perhaps, but if you want, you could try to fly us there. I mean, birds fly off the ground, why can't you? You got wings, birds got wings. No risk of death.”

 

“There's one problem with that,” he said as the wind whistled. “I'm not a bird. But I do like the option of not dying. No offense.” He added, as if dying in general was offensive. It's not like it's his fault I keep dying or anything, oh wait, it is. I didn't reply. He sighed. “Fine, but I'll have to carry you.” 

 

I just wanted to hurry up. Maybe I could see Scarlet and apologise for walking out, even if it was completely her fault. “Yeah, whatever. I understand. But if you drop me, it's completely your fault.”

 

Arian walked back towards me and looked at me with uncertainty. I stared at him. He sighed again and picked me up. It was more comfortable than how Thea was carrying me, that's for sure. “Okay, so, birds just flap their wings right? Yeah,” he was talking to himself again. Walking himself through every step. “So I'll just flap my wings…” He started to flap his wings, a few leaves on the ground blew away from him. “And birds do it at an angle? Should I run? I'm running.” And then my best friend started to run. I wanted to laugh, but it was actually getting results. We started to go up in the air until we were high above the ground. “Holy shit, Kieran. I can fly.” 

 

I didn't want to be that one person, but what the heck, “Told you so.” He smiled and we started on our journey to Urbandale. I still wanted to know what CORP meant. 

 

Our flight to Urbandale was pretty uneventful, except that one time Arian almost flew into a flock of birds. I'm pretty sure the birds and I were the most terrified. I thought Arian would drop me, and they thought we would hit them, but once we got to Urbandale there didn't seem to be anymore birds. Arian landed us on the ground of the building carefully and quietly. I looked around at the surrounding area. It seemed pretty peaceful, then I heard the sounds. I heard a crunch and then screaming. I ran over to the ledge and saw the scene unfold below us. I knew we had to stop it, and it was terrifying. “We have to jump, Arian. You can fly us down.” 

 

Arian looked at the scene I was watching, but he didn't seem too encouraged. “The first time could've been a fluke,” he tried to convince me.

 

“Jump,” I encouraged Arian as we stood on top of the ledge of a building. I could see people down on the ground fighting, and I wasn't sure that we could get down their quicker any other way. Arian had to fly us down. Arian gripped me tightly, so tightly I was afraid he would break my skin through my clothes. He spread out his wings just as someone below us screamed. And then he jumped. At first we were just falling, and then his wings caught the wind and we lifted up almost right before we hit the ground. It was a great feeling. He quickly flapped his wings and we gently landed on the ground before the scene. 

 

There was a kid who was wearing a beanie pushed against the wall by someone who seemed about the same age, but I couldn't tell. He was taller than the kid with the caramel colored hair, what seemed like blue eyes and the gray beanie. The thing that stood out most about the small kid wasn't that he wasn't fighting back, or how terrified he was, not even his size, it was the pair of antlers poised directly on top of his head. I wondered if they were real, and if they were, how he got the beanie off his head, or even on his head. I could tell that they were arguing, but I couldn't hear what they were arguing about. They were so quiet that I almost didn't know they were arguing. I saw the taller of the two mock the kid held below him and I genuinely felt sorry for him. 

 

Unsurprisingly, Arian tried to break up the fight first. Maybe he felt some sort of kinship with the kid because of his antlers and Arian's wings. Perhaps Arian just knew what to do better than I did. He did have the experience. Arian didn't announce himself when he tried to break up the fight, he just walked over to them and grabbed the bully, tugging him off the kid. I could finally see the taller one's face. They weren't a guy like I expected they would be, instead it was a woman who looked like she was related to someone important and never had trouble getting anything she wanted. I decided to dub her Britney, as it was the first name to come to mind. She didn't really look like a Britney, but even if the first name was John, that was what I would've called her.

 

She screamed at Arian, probably upset that he was interrupting her time trying to hurt an innocent person, and then screaming from pure terror as she saw his mask. I could see her glance over to me, but I remained still. I wouldn't help her even if she begged. “You don't understand,” she pleaded, “he tried to steal from me!” She didn't pose a very good argument as the person she was blaming seemed like he couldn't even kill a fly. I didn't think I wanted to get close enough to see her memories since the last time that happened, I ended up killing someone, and I didn't want to scare the bystanders.

 

“I highly doubt that,” I responded flatly from the shadows. She tried to tug her way away from Arian, like my response terrified her even more. “Why are you hurting him?” I asked. 

 

At first she didn't answer, too wrapped up between her fear and her attempted escape, which ultimately failed. She looked over in my general direction, and I assumed she couldn't see me, just hear my voice. Her voice came out in an airy way, and I could hear the terror in her voice, “It's because he's a freak, alright? Look at those antlers on his head! What kind of kid grows antlers? He's the spawn of Satan!” 

 

I finally got somewhat of an answer about hell from Arian despite it being directed towards someone else, “Satan is a made up concept to terrify children into behaving how society wants them to act.” I couldn't have agreed more, but the woman obviously disagreed. Too bad that at that moment, her flight instinct kicked it in again, and she pulled away her wrist. She stared at Arian with wide eyes and quickly ran away. Arian didn't follow her, so I instead walked towards the victim of this scene.

 

He had his eyes closed, waiting for the entire scene to be over. “Are you alright?” I asked him. He opened one eye hesitantly. “She didn't hurt you too badly, right?” I tried again. He opened his second eye, but still didn't respond. I looked over to Arian for permission to lift my mask and hopefully calm him down. Arian nodded. I carefully lifted up my mask so the kid could see my eyes. I assumed he was about 16, maybe on the edge of turning 17. I decided to try one last time to get a response, if I didn't get one, then I'd leave. “Do you have someone you want me to call? Or can call?” He stared at me and just as I was about to pull down my mask again and leave, he handed me a small flip phone with three contacts: Kenneth, Mom, and Scarlet. He pointed to the first name: Kenneth.

 

I pressed the green button and listened to it ring. I wasn't very hopeful that whoever was at the end of the line would answer. It was… I looked at the phone's clock. It read  _ 01:17 _ . Half the people I knew would've been asleep at the moment. On the second ring, someone picked up.

 

“Hello?” 

 

I smiled. Success. “Hello, my name's Anubis, and your friend here asked me to call you. He was attacked by a woman named...actually I don't know that. We're about around Rosa Avenue, so if you could drop by, that would be great.”

 

I could hear the worry in Kenneth’s voice when he said, “Oh shit. Is Max alright? Can he walk?”

 

I looked over at the kid, who was now known as Max to made sure he was still standing and in good condition. He was. “Yeah, I think he's just a bit terrified.”

 

“That's good, I'll be there in a few minutes. My house is just a few blocks away. Tell Max that I don't think leaving my house was a very good idea.” I glanced over at Max, who was still very much terrified and pressed against the wall. 

 

“Kenneth says leaving his house was a bad idea and that he'll be here in a few minutes,” I relayed to Max before I could forget. Then I said my goodbye to Kenneth, “Alright, see you in a few.” I ended the call.

 

Max seemed hesitant to talk to us, and I would've seemed hesitant to talk to us too, but he did manage to ask us, “Does he have wings?” 

 

Arian pulled down his mask and smiled politely, and spread out his wings that he had flattened before pulling Britney off of Max. “Yeah, I do,” he responded, “And you have antlers, so maybe you'd like to fill us in on that.”

 

It took awhile for Max to respond, “It was my dad. He cursed me when I was younger.” 

 

Arian didn't react much, he just frowned slightly, so slightly not many people would notice, but I did notice and I could tell he felt bad for the kid. “How’d he curse you?” I asked.

 

“I think he was a wizard or something…” Max said, trailing off before asking, “How’d you get your wings?” pausing to look at me and ask, “And do you have wings?”

 

Arian answered for me, “I was born with them. I'm an angel, and this is my associate--”

 

“Offense taken,” I interrupted. 

 

He glared at me for a second and then continued, “This is my friend, who doesn't have wings. He's human...at least partially. It's a bit complicated. So, going back to your dad...you said he was a wizard? That's not good...was he born around this area?”

 

Max shook his head. “Don't know,” he replied. I wanted to know why he didn't freak out about Arian being an angel, or call him crazy, or say angels had white wings.

 

“Still not good, but I'll assume he was, so I'm going to give you a warning. One of your dad's parents was a demon, which means there's demons in the area,” Arian explained. I blinked.  _ Demons? _

 

“Not all demons are bad,” a voice defended from behind me. I turned around to see a blonde woman with dyed pink tips and blue eyes. She had a smug expression on her face. “The name's Riley,” she said and held out her hand. I could now see her nails were painted black and pretty long, not as long as Thea’s, but still quite long. “I'm Don’s big sis, sure he told you lots about me, Osiris.” She flashed Arian an almost mocking smile. “Started a rebellion, got sent to hell. How are you by the way? Heard your daughter died.” I assumed she meant Zoey. Riley stepped out of the shadows and a tail with a triangular point waved side to side.

 

Arian clenched his jaw and responded through gritted teeth, “I'm fine. What are you doing here?” He seemed to be in physical pain while trying to talk to her. “I bet you're behind all this demon activity,” he accused, “How many people have you possessed?” By now I was just hoping Kenneth would show up and stop their fighting.

 

Riley didn't seem pleased with the accusations. “Don't be such a bitch, Osiris. I'm here to help. You know that Donovan would disapprove if I tried to do anything. Your pet's,” she glanced at me, “brother is the only one possessed that I know of. His followers are genuine. Demons really know how to do things, don't they? They don't brainwash soldiers like heaven does. You know your little relationship with your pet is inappropriate.”  _ What? _ How was our relationship inappropriate? I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Was heaven really exactly like what Sara's mom had said? Was I an abomination? 

 

Now Arian was on the defensive side, “Julie died! Heaven's different now. Constantine is in charge. He's willing to listen to everyone. And you're judging me? When your brother is too busy to talk to you because he's doing the same thing as me?” I had an  _ oh shit  _ moment because I couldn't believe this was Arian in front of me saying these mean things, but I was also relieved to hear that heaven had changed. I didn't want Arian to be in trouble for something I was pressuring him into.

 

Before I could hear Riley’s response, someone about the height of Britney walked into the alley. “I heard arguing? Is Max down here somewhere? I didn't see him anywhere…” the person trailed off. I assumed this was Kenneth. I pulled down my mask and nodded to Arian for him to do the same. He followed my actions.

 

“Kenneth?” I asked. “Is that you?” 

 

Kenneth nodded, “Yeah. Is Max still with you guys?”

 

“Yeah, I'm still here,” Max responded. Kenneth visibly relaxed and ran over to hug Max. I felt like I was watching a private moment. Kenneth looked at us and I stared at his right eye. It was a light gray color, almost blue.

 

“Are you blind?” I blurted out, immediately feeling bad for asking. Riley laughed, and didn't even try to hide her laughter. Arian glared at her.

 

Kenneth shrugged, “Only in my right eye. I can still see fine with my other eye.” I continued staring at him and I noticed the bags under his eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. “And before you ask, I'm not telling you about how it happened.” I watched Max look at Kenneth with a look I couldn't explain, it had so much emotions that I had to look away.

 

“Wasn't planning to,” I replied. “Everyone has their secrets.” I tapped my mask although I knew Max had already seen our faces, and Riley knew who we were. 

 

“Like Osiris being an angel, or his little human pet,” Riley chimed in. “Or even that his pet has killed a person.” I turned back to look at her. “Oh? Did you not know that I knew. I collected her soul. She was damned, didn't you know? Couldn't be saved, and neither can you. Angels still go to hell.” She smiled wickedly.

 

Max looked terrified again, and Kenneth seemed to be on high alert. Arian just seemed frustrated. I was somewhere between terrified and frustrated. Max and Kenneth seemed like nice people, and I always needed new friends, possibly even teammates if they had the potential. Now Riley was ruining everything, but at the same time it was terrifying because it seemed like she knew every thought I thought, and every step I took. “You used to be different,” Arian told her sadly. “Too bad you ruined yourself.” 

 

I took a deep breath. “You two are not going to be fighting again, so shut the fuck up,” I demanded. They both turned to look at me like a pair of deer in headlights. So obviously caught and too terrified to move. I doubted they expected me to tell them to shut up, especially Riley, since she had been referring to me as “pet” the entire time she's been around me. Now that they had stopped arguing momentarily, I tried to explain myself to Kenneth and Max, “Now then, Kenneth, Max, she killed me first.” They made a confused face at me. “I'm technically an angel or something, I don't know, but I can't die. She killed me first, and I knew she would do it again, and probably kill others without a second thought. I had to do it.”

 

Kenneth spoke up first, “You didn't have to do it. There's always other options. You could've locked her up in a prison, something, but killing her? That's wrong on so many levels.” 

 

I finally snapped, all the emotion I was feeling attempted to come out through my words, “You don't get it. This was what I was born to do. Every life of mine, this is what happens. She could've escaped, she could've put the puzzle pieces together and found out who I was, she could've killed the people I care about, she could've hurt so many more people. I saw her memories. They were nothing but hate, and no matter how much psychiatric help she would've got, it wouldn't have helped. And to get into prison, you need to go to court. What am I supposed to do? Become a lawyer, I'm only 18! I don't even have my GED. I haven't completed high school, because I can't. I've been gone so long that I can't go back. How am I supposed to find a place she can't get out of without going to the legal system? And if they find out who I am? My entire life would be destroyed. At least this way I'm still safe.” Riley seemed expectant of me, like I would tell her something more about myself. I didn't have anything to add, so I kept my mouth shut and refused to say anything more. 

 

“Kye,” Arian instinctively said as he touched my arm in a comforting manner. I didn't remember him moving over to me, but I was glad that he was trying, until the name he used sunk in. He called me by my nickname in front of these strangers. Riley could probably harass me whenever she deemed fit, but now she knew my name, or at least my nickname, and she could probably find exactly where I live and bother me more than she is now. Arian didn't seemed too concerned about using my nickname, so I tried to relax. “You'll be okay. We'll figure things out. You're not a murderer.” 

 

“Actually,” Riley chimed in again, “by the definition, he is a murderer, but I sadly have to agree this time. The world is going to be a better place without a maniac tearing people's throats out with her fingernails. He did the right thing.”

 

I turned my head quickly in Riley’s direction in disbelief. Was she really standing up for me? “Are you serious?” I asked her.

 

“I'm starting to regret standing up for you,” she said. “But, I already said it. Damn.” I glared at her. How was she even remotely this obnoxious? 

 

Kenneth didn't seem like he wanted to believe me either. Why was this such a bad day? I had already broken down twice, even considered shooting myself, and now my life was falling apart again. “Shut up!” I snapped at her. “Don't you get it? No, you wouldn't would you. You're a demon, probably never needed to actually feel anything. I've got so much on my plate at the moment, and no one seems to get that! If I could've kept her alive, I would've. I'm a murderer, I get that. But what you guys don't get is how I'll never be able to live with myself, so stop treating me like I'm such a bad person. Stop making everything so much worse. Isn't it bad enough that I might have to kill my brother? Would that sit well with anyone? Because it feels like my world is ending, and sometimes I wish it was.” There it was, out in the open. I waited for someone to say something, anything. All I heard was the wind whistling. “Even if I did spare her life, someone else would've died. One of you could've died in one of her parades to kill. None of you seem to understand that I'm human too. I bend, and eventually I'm not going to bend. I'm going to break. Stop trying to break me!” I was screaming at this point, but I couldn't quiet myself for a minute. I was too angry, too overcome with emotion. 

 

The silence filled my ears again, and it was suffocating. It was like I was being dragged down. I was drowning, and no one could even seen it. Finally Max said something, “I'm sorry.” An apology. He was apologising and it wasn't even him who needed to apologise. He hadn't done anything wrong. He was innocent.

 

Kenneth said something next. “You're still a murderer,” he accused. I was about to scream at him and demand to leave when he continued, “but I understand what you did. Not entirely, but enough. You're human, I get that. You're hurting, I get that. The world is hurting too, and you're just trying to help. You're taking too much responsibility though. So...friends?” he asked. 

 

I almost shook my head at him and told him to get away from me, but I did know I needed more friends. I needed someone logical, and someone who might even understand me. There was something dark inside of him, I could sense it, but I wasn't going to ask. “Friends,” I agreed to Arian's surprise, and even Riley’s. Kieran seemed surprised too, but Max didn't show any emotion about my agreement. He continued hiding behind Kenneth.

 

Arian was the first to break the silence after I agreed to be Kenneth’s friend. “You do realize you don't know who we are, right? You wouldn't be able to actually be our friends.” Kenneth shrugged as I took off my mask, disregarding that Riley would know who I was. She said she was here to help, so I believed her, even after her disrespect. “Really?” he asked me. 

 

“And now they've seen my face. I'm waiting for the police reports to start if the friendship request wasn't real.” It didn't matter they didn't know my name. They knew my nickname and my face. They could find me if they wanted to. “My name's Kieran by the way. I pronounce Keer Uhn, but maybe I've been pronouncing it wrong my entire life. Call me whatever you want, just not Anubis.”

 

Of course Riley had to disagree. “Isn't Anubis your real name though?” she asked me. “Or have you refused to accept it since falling to Earth. No wonder heaven is still interested in you. First angel to fall to Earth and become human. Actually, excuse me, only angel. Why don't you come back?”

 

“Because I can't,” I retorted. “I'm human. It's not possible to go back.” Now Kenneth was regarding me with more interest than he had before. An angel who fell and became a murderer, probably makes for an interesting story.

 

Again, Riley had to correct me. “It's possible. You have to find the right mindset though. You might not get there though. I mean, there's always other options, but they're not approved by the courts.”  _ Courts?  _ What the heck were the courts? “You could drink water from the river Aosphes in heaven, I've heard that works. Or you could drink from Tir, but that wouldn't make you an angel. It would make you a demon, which are far more interesting.” She kept listing off options, but only 2 of them pertained to angels. I frowned.

 

“I think I would prefer to stay human,” I interrupted. “And I think it's time to go home, one person helped, and I'm tired. Arian and I have to go. We're meeting someone tomorrow, so we need sleep.” I heard Arian yawn and I remembered waking him up and being so tired. Would he drop me if he was this tired? Hopefully not. “Arian?” I asked.

 

He took his time responding. “Yeah, I got it.” And then he walked over to me, grabbed me tightly, and started to fly us away. He was getting better at this at least. 

  
“Bye!” I said to Max, Kenneth, and Riley from the air. 


	18. Sandman Takes Me Away

We got back to my house at about two in the morning, and I was starting to get tired myself. Some days I couldn't sleep well, so this was the time I normally fell asleep anyways. It wouldn't help me waking up any, but it wouldn't make everything entirely too hard. I would just need to make sure my alarm clock was set to a time before the afternoon. Hopefully I would wake up. 

 

I opened the window to my room, and then I moved the screen so we could climb in. Arian let me go through the window first, and once again I struggled to get into my room through my window. I hoisted myself up, and then fell out onto the floor in my room. Arian giggled and I scowled. I pushed myself up and motioned for Arian to climb in through the window. He, unlike me, did not fall through the window. He started out the same way I did, but instead of falling, he moved his body before he hit the floor and landed on his feet. He was like a cat. I closed the window behind us and locked it, as if locking the window would protect us. How could something protect us from the one doing the damage when he was already in my house sleeping only a few rooms away.

 

I took my mask off and placed in on the top shelf in my closet once again, and then put my scarf in my top dresser drawer. Arian put his mask up next to mine and hung his jacket in my closet. I hadn't even thought about where he would sleep. I knew we had a spare mattress somewhere, but I knew that we were both too tired to put up much of an effort to find it. It probably didn't matter anyways. He could always sleep in my bed. It wasn't like I would mind, and I doubted he would either. I yawned, and then a moment later Arian yawned. We both made our over to the bed. I climbed into my bed and laid against the wall, my eyes staring at the gray wall. It was suddenly very plain and boring. How could Arian see how boring it was when I couldn't. I was supposed to be the artist, but then again, he had years to practice and was probably better than I was. Arian climbed in next and let his wings rest off of the bed. He grabbed a blue blanket from the floor and threw it over us.

 

“Goodnight, Kye,” he whispered quietly.

  
“Goodnight,” I repeated. I closed my eyes, waiting for the darkness to take me into another world. Sometimes I wished I could control my dreams like other people could, but I didn't have that talent. I kept thinking, but I didn't dare try to stop myself, and eventually the Sandman took me away.


	19. What's With All The Gay Angels?

There were so many clouds surrounding me when I awoke. I looked around and everything felt like a sunset, surreal and beautiful. I took a few steps back and bumped into an object. I turned around. It was a desk, and behind that desk sat a person. They had wings, but they didn't even look remotely like Arian's. Their wings were golden, and covered in specks of white. I almost thought they were more beautiful than Arian's. “Who are you?” I found myself asking despite the plate sitting on the desk that read  _ God. _ Was this heaven? Why was I in heaven?

 

The angel sitting at the desk looked up at me like I was an unsuspected visitor. He set the pen he was writing with down on his desk. “Kieran,” he started. “Welcome to heaven.” It was something I didn't want to hear. Where was Arian? Why was I even in here? I couldn't die. Did I die in my sleep? How was this my time to go? I stepped back from the desk. I didn't want to be here. I took another step back. “Don't be afraid,” the angel said. I wanted to tell him that it was too late for that, but I couldn't get a sound to leave my mouth. “My name is Donovan, I'm a friend of Arian's. I used to be God once.”  _ Once? What the hell is that supposed to mean?  _

 

“I want to go back,” I said. “I want to go back!” I repeated louder. “Take me back!” I needed to go back. I couldn't leave everyone. I still had to meet with Scarlet. What was Arian supposed to tell her now that I was dead? I tried to get him to understand, “I need to go back. What about my job? What about Arian? I can't leave him again.”

 

Donovan didn't seemed fazed by my outburst. “Kieran, we need to talk. Calm down and think like a rational human being for a second. I said I'm a friend of Arian's. I'm here to help. You aren't dead. This isn't even really heaven. I can't go back until Alex dies, so I'm stuck on Earth just like you.” 

 

Even after I had this new information, I was still struggling to calm down. It felt nice to know I wasn't dead, and that this wasn't really heaven, but why did this guy need to talk to me? “Fine…” I reluctantly agreed. I still hadn't calmed down, but I had a feeling he wouldn't let me go until we talked.

 

“There we go,” he said with a smile. Donovan snapped his fingers and a chair appeared. “Have a seat. We're going to talk about your brother. My sister told you he was being possessed, correct?” I nodded. “Good. Good. The demon’s name is Axel, not very biblical if you ask me, but not many names are anymore. Anyways, he's not entirely possessing your brother, so it is still possible to save him. He's just manipulating him, which sometimes can be worse.” I finally had to take a seat. The information was weighing me down too much. 

 

“So, I might be able to have my brother back, but...I might not be able to. How is he manipulating my brother though? And how is that worse?” I felt entitled to these answers. If I could save my brother, and could keep him alive while doing so, I would take that chance. He was the only family I had left. I had to keep him. 

 

Donovan took a breath, as if this news was something so terrible that I might not be able to take it. “If your brother was just possessed, we could do a simple exorcism, and if it worked, then congrats, but if it doesn't, looks like you won't be getting him back. Your brother is being manipulated. Something happened, I'm assuming your parent's deaths, and it caused him to sort of...break. Let me explain, I'm sure Arian told you that a soul can be either good or bad, except in your case, so imagine an orb. That orb is your soul, and orbs can break. It's how there got to being so many bad souls out in the world. They were good, then they shattered. Currently your brother's soul is similar to yours. It's still whole, but there's a tiny chip in it, and that's where the demons come in. Since the break isn't big enough to worry about, the demons can't completely control him, but his soul is still broken, and you won't be able to fix the break. Axel has fit himself into the chip, and can manipulate him by whispering things into his mind that sounds appealing, such as revenge. Axel has convinced your brother that in order to protect you, he has to rule the world, but if he actually accomplishes that, your brother will shatter. You'll have to kill him if that happens. Hopefully that doesn't happen, but you need to prepare yourself.”

 

I stayed quiet before I had to blurt out my question, “But how do I save him?” He still hadn't answered that. So far it seemed hopeless to believe I could save him.

 

“It'll be difficult,” he warned. 

 

“I don't care!” I snapped. I just needed some sort of reassurance that I wouldn't have to kill the last member of my family. I needed to be able to hold onto being able to tell my brother everything I wanted to instead of hiding.

 

“You'll have to give yourself up.”  _ What?  _ “You'll need to find a piece to fit into his crack, which means breaking yourself. It's a risk. We don't know if it'll shatter you or not. It depends on how badly the chip in his soul gets. It depends on how much you're willing to give up in order to protect him.” I was willing to give up anything at this point. If I had to sacrifice myself for him, I would. It's what mother would've wanted. “You have a 20% success rate. If you shatter, you could become the world's worst villain. We'll have to take you and put you down, you realize this right? There won't be anything after you die. No reincarnation. You'll just be a soul in hell.” It seemed like an awful lot of pressure to put on me, but I had to risk it. It was to save my brother.

 

“I'll do it,” I told Donovan firmly. “I have to do it.”

  
He nodded solemnly. “I understand, Kieran. I'll be rooting for you. It would be nice to see you back in heaven as Anubis, even if it meant I wouldn't be able to see you again. Tell Arian that I'm sorry for leaving him, and that he can trust Riley.” I nodded, and started to hear a faint ringing that reminded me of my alarm clock. “It's time to go. I'll see you sometime in the future, hopefully.” Everything started to fade away into a bright white light, and after I couldn't see anything but white, it all went black, like someone had flipped a light switch.


	20. Arian's Ex is a Demon, Literally

I immediately sat up in a cold sweat. My alarm clock was ringing, telling me that it was 9 in the morning. I felt so alert after having Donovan tell me how to save my brother, but then the tiredness came. It felt like I hadn't even slept. Arian was still asleep, and I wished I could fall back asleep too, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about what Donovan told me. What if I did end up shattering myself? What would Arian do? I would be leaving him. Forever. 

 

I laid back down and closed my eyes, my alarm clock still ringing. I lightly shoved Arian, hoping he would wake up. No response. I shoved him harder and he fell off the bed. He still didn't seem to wake up, but at least I could climb out of my bed.  _ What if he's dead?  _ my mind whispered. I frowned. He couldn't be dead. He was just a heavy sleeper. Nothing happened. I would've woke up. I climbed out of my bed and sat on the floor next to Arian. I put my fingers against his neck to feel for a pulse. At first I couldn't find one, and started to panic, but then I felt it. I relaxed. 

 

“Arian?” I whispered. Still no response. How could anyone sleep for so deeply? “Arian,” I tried again. Nothing.  _ What the fuck, Arian. Wake up.  _ I raised my voice, “Arian!” He moved, but didn't acknowledge me. I huffed in annoyance and punched his shoulder. 

 

He groaned, “What?” I hadn't even turned off my alarm yet. Couldn't he hear it? “...Oh,” he finally said. He didn't make any effort to move though.

 

“Arian, I swear. Stop being difficult, and wake up. It's 9. You need to wake up. I had a strange dream that you need to know about.” It seemed to spark an interest in him and he finally sat up with a  _ hm? _ “There was another angel. His name's Donovan--”

 

Arian interrupted me, “What did he say?”

 

I glared daggers at him. “I was getting there, but you interrupted me. He told me how to save my brother, and that he's sorry for leaving you.”

 

Arian interrupted me again, “Damn right. He should be.”

 

“Arian, please,” I said. “Just let me talk. He also told me that you need to trust Riley.”

 

“No.” Arian started waving his arms. “Never. She was a bitch when she was an angel, and she's got to be even bitchier as a demon. I don't care what Don says. She can't be trusted.”

 

I sighed. “What's wrong with her? What did she do to you? Why don't you trust her?”

 

“Do you really want to know?”

 

“Yeah!” I told him. “I'd love to know. That's why I asked!”

 

Arian didn't seem to inclined to answer me, and seemed to take forever to respond. “She cheated on me, alright?”  _ Holy shit,  _ I thought. It never occurred to me that Arian might have dated other people. “It was a long time ago, but I'm still not over it. Happy now?” I wanted to tell him that yes, I was happy, but I wasn't. Because holy shit, everything suddenly became to much more obvious. Even Riley’s behavior seemed to make sense now. Now I had more puzzle pieces to put together, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to continue putting the pieces together. Maybe it’s better to be naive sometimes. I wouldn’t be able to think about anything the same way again.

 

“Yeah,” I said after a long pause of silence. “Yeah, I'm happy.” It was a mixed feeling, being pleased that he answered me, but being disappointed in the answer. I supposed it was a half lie. And hopefully he wouldn't pick up on it. “So…” I said to try to break the tension. I didn't really but I wanted to say but I knew that I had to say something.

 

“It was before I knew you,” he told me softly. It didn't help quiet my mind like I assumed he wanted. Instead it made my mind buzz with even more questions. I forced myself to keep quiet. I felt like one wrong move and he would leave. “Besides, she was a bitch then too. I don't know why I didn't expect it sooner, and then when she led her rebellion...I'm glad I didn't fight on her side.”

 

Finally somewhat of a new topic, and it made my ears tingle in interest. “Rebellion?” I asked. I remember her mentioning something earlier, but I wanted to know more. “Can you tell me about it?”

 

He adjusted his position on the floor, “Yeah, I suppose I can.” I smiled. “But I'll have to tell you about Don real quick. Angels can reincarnate, not into the same person they were before, but sometimes they can be similar. Way back during the invention of Earth and humans, Donovan was God. Some angels said he gave them too much freedom, or that he cared for them too much. His girlfriend was one of those people. Her name was Julie. She trusted him though, so she didn't do anything.”

 

I interrupted him, “So what happened to him? He told me he was God once. He's not anymore? And you mentioned a new angel in control of heaven?” 

 

He nodded. “His name's Constantine. He was classified as an Unknown, so he's trying to make heaven a better place in general because he knows how rough it is in the bad places up there.”

 

I interrupted Arian again, “What's an Unknown?”

 

Arian dove right into telling me, as if this information was basic knowledge everyone knew, “In heaven there are 3 classifications: Wings, Elementals, and Unknowns. Wings are the upperclass angels. We don't really have money or anything up in heaven, but they're generally treated nicer. Don was a Wing in both of his lives so far, but anyways. They're kind of what you imagine an actual angel to look like. Beautiful.” I wanted to tell Arian he was beautiful too, but I didn't want to interrupt him a third time. He continued, “Heaven isn't some great place. It can be awful there too. Most of the Wings are jerks. They treat everyone except the high court like trash. The high court is like...the best of the best. It's not entirely made of Wings, which is great, but sometimes they don't seem...human if you will. They advise whoever is assigned to being God at the time, they're like...your President's Cabinet. On to the Elementals. They're almost exactly how you imagine. They can control elements, and sometimes their personality is like their element. Fire and water are really common elements, followed by earth and air. The elements can be divided down into smaller pieces, like some fire Elementals can only control the flicker of a flame, while others can control temperature, and some even can control the entire element in general. They're usually the ones who make it into the high court, but rare elements can also get into the court pretty easily. I think currently there's a fire Elemental and a spirit Elemental… I was offered to join at one point, and so were you. I had death as an element, and you had life. We kinda had to work together so they couldn't just offer one of us a place and not the other, but I declined and you fell.” Arian paused. “Sorry, I'm getting off topic. Where was I? Oh, right. Unknowns. Unknowns are basically the ones that don't fit anywhere. Sometimes they can have entirely different beliefs, like I think we had a Jewish angel once, I mean, I don't get it, but no one really seemed to mind. Then again...Unknowns are frequently ignored. Sometimes they are born with disabilities, some are born without wings and can control elements, some even ran away from their homes or got kicked out. They all tend to stick together. They're also really progressive, which makes Constantine a really good God. He ran away from his home with his younger sister because they were upset that they had a daughter instead of a son. Ridiculous, but whatever. He was like the unofficial leader of the Unknowns.” I kept nodding as he kept working his way through information about each section. It felt odd to know that the image everyone had of heaven was kind of wrong.

 

I tried to bring back the original topic we were talking about, “So...back to the rebellion…Why isn't Donovan God anymore?”

 

“He was murdered,” Arian said bluntly. “By his own court. Rumors are that Julie helped, but anyone could see how much she cared for him. But he died, and Julie watched him die and reincarnate. No one's seen someone reincarnate besides her, mostly because reincarnation usually takes a long time, but I assume Donovan made a comeback so quickly because he was God, no one really knows though. Back to the story, she took him in an raised him as her son. She became God too, because everyone knew she opposed his ideas and thought she would have the experience to keep heaven from spiraling into chaos. Didn't work though, since when she actually had a child, Riley, they started another rebellion. Riley preached to every section, and got quite a lot of followers, but when it came down to it, she couldn't kill her mom. So her mom damned her to hell so she would live in hell for eternity as a demon. No one knows who her father is, but people assume it was Don since she showed up out of nowhere full grown. Julie probably hid her or something.” I was starting to get a kings and queens feel from heaven. Parents upset at having a daughter? Hiding daughters? Being murdered by trusted advisors? Definitely something similar.

 

“What about Julie then?” I asked. “Constantine is God now, which means she had to be murdered, or do you guys have impeachment too?”

 

He shook his head at my suggestion of impeachment. “She was murdered by a group called Genesis, which is literally exactly what it sounds like. They wanted heaven to be more like when Don was God. This is why I never tried to go into the spotlight. I don't want to be murdered.” I didn't want to be murdered either, but I doubted staying out of the spotlight would help.

 

“I don't want to be murdered either,” I said aloud.

 

Arian looked at me sadly. “I know you don't, but at least you don't stay dead, right?”

 

That wasn't my point. I tried again to get him to understand. “I don't want to be murdered either because when you die, you are expected to stay dead. What am I supposed to say if one day I don't look when I cross the road and some old lady freaks out and I get put in a morgue, or worse, buried. I don't control how long I stay out for. Anything could happen.” It wasn't even just that, it was just such a nuisance to wake up and be alive after dying. You don't know how much time has passed, and it feels like being dead would be a better alternative. 

 

Arian sighed, and it suddenly dawned on me how much sighing and shrugging we've done. It seemed like that was all we did. It seemed like we didn't know how to answer a question directly or seem disappointed or even frustrated with an answer. “I know, but we can't go back in time and fix any of this. I don't even know how we could fix any of this if we had the opportunity. We'll have to just figure out how to make this easier for you. We could always teach you how to fight rather than letting you do whatever you think you should do. Punching and shooting isn't always going to help you win a fight.”

 

I knew what he was suggesting would definitely help, but I didn't want to go through any of that. I didn't want to spend time learning something I might not even have to know. “It'll work for now,” I told him stubbornly. I didn't intend on learning to properly punch something or even learn a new fighting style when it didn't really matter. It's not like someone couldn't sneak up on me and kill me when I was fighting someone else anyways. And eventually I would have Scarlet watching my back, and maybe even others if we found any. I snapped my fingers. “We forgot about Scarlet.”

 

Arian frowned. “Darn it. I'll go get her then. It wasn't like you said you would come with me or anything. Where did you tell her I would meet her?” I tried to think back, but I couldn't recall me telling her where he would get her, just that he would come pick her up. “You didn't tell her, did you?” He sighed again, and I wondered if I should start counting the amount of times we sighed. “What's her address?” 

 

I raised my arms a bit. “No clue. I can't even remember how to get there. She brought me there after I fell from the building, and I kind of ran off. She lives in Urbandale though, and her house is kind of off in the country. And her house looks similar to mine. Shouldn't be hard to find, right? You can fly over there and knock on the doors.” I dropped my arms.

 

Arian stopped me from saying anything else. “Are you suggesting that I put on my mask and jacket and knock on doors?” 

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Do you know how many people I would scare doing that? A lot.” He paused for a second, thinking. “But I guess there's no other way.” Now I was upset for not thinking ahead, I was just so frustrated with Sara that I left without surveying my surroundings. The only thing I noticed was how far away it was from the city...and where she went to school. I tried to remember what day it was...was it Sunday? Wednesday? Friday? 

 

“Wait, Arian, what day is it?” I asked. Maybe this was my moment of genius. If it was Sunday, she was probably at her school. Or maybe she wasn't. Last time I checked, her school had a church too, but then again, things have changed a lot.

 

Arian pulled out his phone and pressed the power button. I was jealous that he had an actual phone while I was stuck with a cheap flip phone, but at least it was enough. “It's Sunday, why?” He turned off his phone and put it back into his pocket.

 

I responded immediately, “ACH. Her school. I know her school. She'll be at her school's church. It's Sunday. Amelia’s Christian High-school. It's in the heart of Urbandale. It's huge, you can't miss it.” Arian looked at me wearily, as if he couldn't trust me. Lying was a strong point of mine, but I needed Scarlet. I needed a team. “When she took me to her house, she was wearing their hoodie. That's her school, just trust me. You can wear normal clothes and pretend to attend. You'll be fine.”

 

He still seemed hesitant to believe me. “It could be someone else's hoodie. It could be her mom's, or her dad's or even a friend's.” 

 

“Arian, trust me. It's her school. And even if it's someone else's, there's still a high chance she'll be there. At least this way you won't be scaring anyone.” Why did I always have to try to much to get someone to listen to me? Why couldn't anyone trust me? I already knew the answer to my question. It's because I've cried wolf too many times, and now that there was actually a wolf, no one believed me. “Just go. You can't stay here 24/7 at least this way, everything will seem normal for a bit.”

 

It seemed I was missing one important detail, and Arian picked up on it, like usual. “You told me not to wear ace bandages again. So, any bright ideas?” I was out of ideas. The ones I had earlier were all shot down. “That's what I thought. So either you let me wear them for a short period of time, or you do it yourself and I stay here.” I didn't want to go alone, after all Sara's mom might recognize me and I didn't want to deal with anymore drama today, but I also didn't like putting Arian in danger. I knew he would be fine for a few hours, but it still wasn't a good idea.

 

I decided to go against myself for the wiser decision. “Fine, wear them. You're taking them off as soon as you get back though. If I go it's a risk. Sara's mom will recognize me and I probably won't be able to talk to her. At least with you, you can do things right. I never believed in any of this stuff, but you're a literal angel. You could probably pass off as some religious asshole better than I could.” I mean, I knew lots of people who weren't religious assholes, my mom for example, but some of them still existed, and I wasn't keen on being around more of them after what Sara's mom said.

 

Arian was surprised by my response, “Really?” I nodded. “I didn't think you would actually let me go. I thought you would just say we'd try to find her again tomorrow, or like, at night, when she's Scarlet Scion.” He didn't continue further, but it was clear he was kind of excited to go to church. I wasn't thrilled, but if Arian was happy, then I had to be happy for him. I wasn't. The only thing I was happy about was him not saying anything about me calling people religious assholes.

 

“Yeah,” I told him. “Go ahead. I'll find something to do.”

 

“Like cleaning up your room?” he suggested. It was a good suggestion, but I was too lazy for that. I wouldn't clean my room unless I had to. If I was at risk to breaking my neck, then maybe, but the only thing littering my floors was my clothes and blankets, so I wasn't at risk. Therefore, I wasn't going to clean my room. Most likely, I would probably just sit here and stare at my wall, maybe even take a nap, but clean my room? No. I couldn't imagine myself doing that. “Or making lunch for when I get back?” That I could do, or at least if I could find something to make something delicious with. I didn't know if my brother was buying groceries or not, or if we had food left in the fridge. I wouldn't call myself a good cook, but I could at least cook. 

 

“Maybe,” I agreed. It felt like I should do something around the house since I hadn't for so long. “If we have anything to eat at least.” I hoped we had something. I wanted to feel useful again. I closed my eyes and a scene started to unfold. Memories. Why was this happening again? And whose memories were they this time? My own? Arian's? My brother's?

 

I was in heaven again, but this time I was somewhere else. I was in what seemed like a courtroom, and there were maybe 7 angels in the room, just standing. The one on the far right caught my attention the most. I could tell she was an Elemental. Her wings were made of fire, but it was controlled. No one seemed alarmed, and nothing seemed like it would be caught on fire. Her piercing green eyes stood out as well. “Anubis, we would like to ask of you to join the high court on the behalf of Osiris.” The others nodded in agreement. 

 

The angel of the far right continued talking for her. She didn't seem like a Wing, or an Elemental, but she had to be an Elemental. Maybe she was the spirit Elemental told me about. “We invited Osiris to join us, but has informed us he would be declining unless we offered you a place on the courts. I, for one, agree that you both should be a part of the high court. You two would not be balanced without being together.” She paused and looked to the angel in the middle of the group. “Julie?” she asked. I had one name, and one that I recognized. This was Riley’s mother. I was almost kicking myself for not recognizing the similarities. They shared the same hair color and eye color, and even the same figure. The only difference was that Julie's hair was sharply cut at her shoulders and pure blonde. Riley’s hair was a long mess that was dyed pink at the tips of her hair.

 

Her voice was angelic, and beautiful. She seemed nice. I couldn't imagine her being as strict as Arian told me she was. “Anubis, we understand if you do not wish to accept our proposal. We cannot ask you to do something you don't want to do.” But apparently you can, because apparently you also are in charge of the laws of heaven, right? So what about the suffering Unknowns? 

 

“I'm very sorry, Julie,” I told her. I wanted to tell her that I would never accept her request after all she's done, but I couldn't say that. These must be my memories from when I was an angel. “I cannot accept your request. I do not believe I would be a suitable candidate. Hermes or Ana would be a better choice. They've always wanted to do this, and they're very thorough. I'm afraid that I would be clumsy. Thank you for the opportunity.” I couldn't believe the words coming from my mouth. I sounded so boring. 

 

Julie smiled sweetly at me and nodded. “It's alright, Anubis. We hope that you continue to help us with our mission.” What mission?

 

“Of course.” I bowed and when I came back up, she bowed at me, then the rest of the angels. “Jasmine, Lance, Ruth, Julie, Adam, Aaron, Sage, thank you again. I will see you tomorrow.” And with that, I left the courtroom. I knew their names now, but I couldn't imagine why this was important. I continued walking. This building was huge. It took me too long to get out of the building. The halls were extremely long, and there weren't any windows to tell me where I was. But after a long searching I made it out of the building. I didn't know where I was going, but I kept walking until I reached a house.

 

The house was only one floor it seemed like, and there was only one window. I could see Arian through the window. I waved, and then Riley appeared through the window. I couldn't imagine her as an angel, but here she was. Her wings were exactly like her mothers too. Pink. Only instead of being one color, hers faded into a darker color. She was smiling at Arian, and he wasn't even looking at me anymore. Or was he always looking at her from the start? I stopped waving and dropped my hand sadly. Why couldn't he just acknowledge me? I started walking away again. I would be cold and alone until I got to my house.

 

The sidewalks and trees I was walking towards faded back into my room, and I could still feel the jealousy bubbling up after seeing them together, but that was the past. I couldn't be jealous. He was focused me on now. He hated her...right? Then I noticed my back was hurting, well not exactly my back, but somewhere around my shoulder blades. And after that, I noticed Arian was speaking to me. “So then I'll bring her here and-- Hey! Are you even listening to me?” I shook my head. “Did you see something?” I shook my head again. “Are you sure?” 

 

“I'm sure,” I affirmed. I didn't want to tell him anymore than that. He said that if I started to remember my past, then I might have a chance of getting my wings back, but he also said that I would be different, and that he liked who I was now. I didn't need to bother him with what ifs.

 

He didn't seemed convinced, but he didn't push it. “Anyways,” Arian said hesitantly, “What I was saying was that I would stay for the entire thing, and when she starts to leave, I would ask her mother if I could take her to an event, and I'll bring her here. Easy.” I nodded my head in agreement. “So I'm going to get dressed.” He was wearing the same pants as yesterday, jeans, and they seened nice enough. I assumed he was going to take something from my closet. I didn't need to close my eyes, but I laid down and closed them anyways. I wanted to stop hurting for a second and I thought laying down would help. It didn't. I'll take some ibuprofen after he leaves. 

 

I waited, and waited. I could hear him open my closet, and close it, and open it again. Or maybe he was closing it, opening it, and closing it again. That would make more sense, but I couldn't recall if my closet was opened or closed. Time passed slowly, and after a long while, Arian tapped me. He must've sensed I was tired, or that my shoulder blades were aching. He was wearing a plain long-sleeved shirt that I didn't remember buying. “You look nice,” I told him groggily before laying my head back down. “I think I'm going to take a nap.”

 

Arian smiled at me. “Alright, I'll call you before we get here so you can wake up.”

 

“Thanks,” I muttered. I didn't even know if I would be able to get my ibuprofen or if I would fall asleep before I could get up. “Can you bring me some ibuprofen? My back hurts. I think I slept on it wrong or somethin’.” It wasn't my back, and I knew I hadn't slept wrong either because it just started hurting after the flashback, if that was what one would call it. 

 

“Of course,” he told me. I closed my eyes and heard him back away, and then moments later walk back with two pills in his hand. He poked me and I opened my eyes once more. “Here, I'll bring you a glass of water real quick, just give me a second.” 

 

I stopped him, “I don't need water. I'll be fine, but thanks anyways.” I sat up for a second and took the round red pills from the palm of his hand and threw them into my mouth. Then, I swallowed. I hated taking pills without water, but I didn't want Arian to put that much of an effort to making me feel better. The pain would probably just go away on its own. “Do you need any money for bus fare?” I asked after taking the pills. 

 

“No, I think I'll be able to get there with the money I have. I'll be fine.” Of course he would be fine. Of course he has money. He has a better phone, doesn't he? He's always been fine. He probably even paid for the pizza we ate the other day. I shouldn't waste the money we had.

 

I nodded and stood up. If I was going to take a nap, I would lay in my bed. “Alright, I don't think my brother's going to be here. I think he's with at a friend's house tonight, which probably means he's going to paint the town red, but that means we can talk freely about out plans.” I sat on my bed.

 

Arian leaned over and kissed my cheek. I wished he would just kiss me like normal couples kiss. It was annoying, and felt like he was mocking me. In the back of my mind, I was wondering if this was how he treated Riley. “I'll be back before lunch, but don't worry too much about cooking. You can do it while we're planning, can't you? Since Zach isn't home.” 

 

I supposed that was true, but I still felt bad. “Yeah, I guess I can. So I'll see you later then.” I just wanted to sleep now. I couldn't hold much of a conversation. My head felt like it was stuffed full of cotton balls. 

 

“See you,” he said. I watched him leave, and then I laid down and closed my eyes, wishing for sleep to take me back soon. Because in dreams, you aren't facing a real situation, maybe it's realistic, but it's not something happening in your real life. Or maybe it is, but it's still different. And people in pain, have a break when they sleep. I hoped I would just sleep for an hour and wake up. I wanted to be able to cook lunch for the both of them. I wanted to wake up, but at the same time I wanted to stay asleep if sleep meant no pain and no suffering, just a calm blank slate. Maybe this was a dream, but no, I doubted I could imagine a situation so awful.

  
When I finally fell asleep, I didn't dream a thing. It was blank darkness. Completely empty. I was at peace, and I didn't have to deal with anything. It was a great feeling.


	21. Get Off the Damn Roof!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a lot of mistakes in this and i feel bad about that, but this is all to get the basic idea out first and to be fixed later

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing, which was frustrating. I wanted to wake up before Arian called me to tell me he was bring Scarlet, but I hadn't. I answered my phone without checking to see who was calling me, “Yes?”

 

I was surprised to hear my brother answer the phone, “Hey, Kye. I thought you wouldn't pick up for a second. What time did you go to sleep? Anyways, just calling to tell you I can't be home tomorrow either. Thea and I have to work on our science project a bit longer.” I wasn’t concerned with him staying at a girl’s house, but then the name finally registered with me.  _ Thea?  _ Was this the same girl who I had killed?

 

I couldn't let him hear my surprise. “That's fine, as long as you come back eventually. Don't let her take you away from me,” I joked. It wasn't completely a joke though. If Thea somehow came back to life, I didn't like the idea of him being with her. He didn't pollute her like his followers. She was probably polluting him more than the demon Axel was. 

 

Zach feigned innocence, “I would never!” It was too late for never. He was already being pushed away from me because of me, and partially because of Thea and Axel.

 

I felt like I needed to reassure him in some way. I doubted it would be enough, but I needed him to hear me say it. “You know I don't hate you, right?” I waited.

 

My brother paused. I wanted to see his face so I knew how he was reacting, but of course that couldn't happen, so I suffered in silence, waiting for my brother to respond. “Um,” he started. My heart broke even more, listening to his disbelief. “Yeah.” The worst part wasn't that he didn't believe me, it was that he was lying to me. I supposed I wasn't any better though.

 

“You're my little brother,” I told him. “I love you. Always.” I hoped Axel was hearing everything I was saying. Maybe I could convince my brother to end this stupid war without becoming Anubis. “And I'll try to be better about taking care of you. I'm sorry that I've been a shitty guardian and brother, and I'm sorry that mom and dad still aren't around.” 

 

This time my brother responded more quickly. “I know you're sorry, but it's not your fault. You didn't kill mom, and you didn't kill dad. You're doing the best you can. You were sick, you're getting better.” He paused again. “I love you too, Kieran. I'll see you the day after tomorrow.” I could hear something cover the phone's speaker, probably his hand, and then moments later he continued talking. “I'll show you something special when I get back, okay?” 

 

I nodded, but then remembered he couldn't see me nod. “Yeah, I'll see you soon. The house is kind of lonely without you.” 

 

Zach laughed. “I bet, well Thea and I better start working on our science project. See you soon! Bye.” 

 

“Bye,” I said quickly before my brother ended the call. I checked the time on my phone. It was 10. I had only slept for an hour. I heaved a sigh and laid back down, wondering if I should go back to sleep or start cooking, or at least do something.  _ I better get up _ … I decided.

 

I climbed out of bed, and then debating whether or not I should change my clothes. I decided against it because if I changed my clothes, I would want to take a shower, and I didn't know how long showering would take me, or when they would be back. I didn't even know when church normally ended. I shoved my phone into my pocket so I would feel it when it buzzed and left my room, making my way towards the kitchen.

 

I walked down the long hallway of our house, thankfully not as long as the hallways in that building in heaven, but still pretty long, until I reached the kitchen. I turned to my left and opened the fridge. We had a gallon of whole milk, a carton of large eggs, two sticks of butter, a package of mozzarella cheese, and half a summer sausage that I assumed was my brother's. I grabbed the cheese to check the date, unsure of what I could do with it if it wasn't expired. March 21, 2016, it read. I frowned. It was November 1st. I opened the fridge door wider so it wouldn't close and walked over to the trash before throwing the cheese in the trash. I opened the carton of eggs, curious to see how many we had. 3. I doubted that was enough to make something for all of us unless I added it to something else. I closed the fridge. There wasn't anything useful in there.

 

I walked over to the cabinets right next to the refrigerator and opened it, hoping almost desperately for something. Immediately I felt relieved. There was a box of macaroni I could make. We had milk and butter, so I could easily make this. I walked across the kitchen to another cabinet and grabbed a pot, then turned on the water and tried to fill the pot as quickly as I could. I didn't see the point of measuring water correctly when it was just to cook noodles. You would drain the water away later, so what was the point? I walked over the to stove, turned on the heat, and put the pot on the burner before frantically looking for the salt. I finally found it after overlooking it 3 times, and put a dash of salt in the water so it would boil faster. 

 

Just as I was about to go sit in the couch in the living room so I could relax, my phone vibrated. I pulled it out, and this time read the caller ID. Arian. I flipped open my phone to accept the call. “Hey, Arian. I just put water on the burner. You guys on your way?

 

“Yep, Sara's mother just asked if we went to the same school and some biblical questions. It was pretty great. She let Sara come with me without much difficulty. I'm glad Sara got the hint about who I was and practically begged her mother to come--”

 

“I did  _ not  _ beg,” Sara retorted. 

 

Arian giggled. “She begged, don't listen to her. Anyways, how's your back? Did the ibuprofen help at all? You could probably take more, just no more than 6 under than 24 hours.”

 

I actually didn't remember the pain at all since I woke up. “Yeah, I think it worked.” 

 

I heard Scarlet’s worried voice over Arian's, “Wait? What happened to your back? Is this because of the whole falling off the building thing? I already said I was sorry.”

 

“No,” I tried to reassure. “That's not why it hurts. I think it's because of something else at least. If it was the fall, it would've started hurting a lot sooner than it did. How far away are you guys? Did you just leave?”

 

I heard the phone be passed around. I assumed Arian took the phone back. “I think we'll be there within half an hour.” My assumption was right.

 

“Perfect, the macaroni will be done by then...or at least I hope it will. You never know how quickly water boils.” I had the heat on high and salt in the water, but that didn't mean the water would boil any faster. I hoped it would, but I couldn't force the water to boil any faster. You can't threaten water or punch water, I mean, you could, but the water wouldn't ever react, and what's the fun in that?

 

“We'll try to hurry up so it doesn't get cold then. By--”

 

I cut him off real quickly, remembering the conversation with my brother earlier. “Thea,” I said. “I killed her.”

 

“Yeah, Kieran, you die. You're not a murderer though.”

 

I rolled my eyes. “That's not what I meant. My brother said he was with Thea. I killed her, so either she's back or he knows too many Theas. I don't know how she could be back though. I watched her bleed out. Her blood is stained onto the street. They took her body. She should be in the morgue.”

 

“Kieran, she's gone. She's dead. Even Riley agreed that she died, remember? She's not going to bother you anymore.”

 

It felt silly now to imagine that I thought she was alive. “You're probably right. Sorry.” I glanced over at the pot of water. It still hadn't started boiling, but it looked like steam was rising.

 

“Don't apologize, Kieran. Fear isn't rational anyways. So, we'll see you soon, right?

 

“Yeah,” I agreed. “Bye.” This time I was the one who ended the call, and I didn't wait for a reply.

 

The water started boiling,  _ finally _ , and I smiled. I opened the box, pulled out the bag pull of powdered cheese, and dumped the noodles into the water. The macaroni would definitely be cold by the time they got here. I started counting in my head so I would know how long they cooked.  _ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5… _ After reaching 178, I gave up.

 

I walked over to a drawer and pulled it open. I grabbed a small fork with Mickey Mouse on the end of it and walked back over to the boiling pot of water. I poked the noodles. They were still somewhat hard, so I left them to sit for another minute.

 

A minute seemed to pass slowly. I paced back and forward until I reached 60 in my head and poked the noodles again. They were soft this time. I opened the cabinet next to the stove that I had grabbed the pot from and reached for a pink colander. I had to stand on the tips of my toes to actually reach it. After reaching the colander, I held it over the sink, grabbed the pot of noodles, and poured them into the colander. Then, I dumped the noodles back into the pot and turned off the oven. Now I just had to add milk and butter. 

 

I walked back over to the drawer where I had gotten my fork and pulled out a knife, then walked over to the fridge and pulled out a stick of butter. I didn't bother unwrapping it and cut it almost in half, then cut the half into smaller pieces. Finally, I removed the paper and tossed it onto the noodles. I waited for the butter to melt before grabbing the whole milk from the fridge and pouring half a cup in the pot. I stirred the noodles around a few times and winced at the unusual sound. 

 

Faint mumblings came from outside the door and I turned my head to see Sara and Arian approach. That wasn't half an hour, not even twenty minutes. I quickly ripped open the powdered cheese and dumped it onto the noodles before stirring rapidly. It had to be done before they entered the house. I heard them stop walking and the door handle turn. I dropped my fork. I had barely mixed it quickly enough, but everything seemed to be completely mixed together. 

 

“Hello, honey we’re home!” Arian announced in a joking manner. I smiled and Sara blushed seeing our little domestic act. I chuckled. “And you made mac and cheese!” he exclaims happily. I turn around and walk over to the mahogany cabinets, grabbing several bowls and handing them to Sara and Arian. 

 

“Yea, I just finished it so it’s nice and hot. Dig in,” I said with a smile. After they took their dishes, I grabbed silverware to use and handed it to them. Sara dug in first, using a gigantic spoon to fill her bowl, then smiling as she walked away. I glanced in the pot and noticed that there wasn't much left, but I wouldn't mind not eating much if it meant they both ate. Arian takes about half of what's left and I want to tell him  _ ‘You can get more, I don't mind’  _ but the words don't come out. I take what remains and force another smile. Sara glanced in my direction like she wanted to comment on it.

 

“Good,” she says with her mouth full. “So how do I help ya?” Arian looks it my direction.  _ You’re  _ the leader, he seems to remind me. I blush at the attention. 

 

“Um,” I say quietly, glancing at my food and taking a small bite. Then out of nowhere a loud crash sounds from outside. After choosing to elect the sound, after all there were weird sounds constantly from outside anyways, I continue, “Well, I was hoping you guys would have an idea.” 

 

Another sound comes from above when Sara goes to reply.  _ Thump!  _ I could've sworn someone was on the room, and apparently Arian did too because he finally opened the front door and looked up. “Get the hell off the roof!” He yells.

 

A girl’s voice replies, “Sorry! I...err...actually I have no excuse.” Arian huffs and she jumps down. The first thing I notice is that she has a bit shorter than shoulder length black hair and that she's wearing a black spiked collar. The second thing I notice is her attire. She’s wearing a black almost form fitting crop top and black jeans. And the third thing is that her hands are covered in bandages. She turns around and I notice the plain black mask similar to Sara’s. “I heard my partner Scarlet Scion was here?” 

 

Sara’s eyes go wide. “Joseph?” she asks quietly. “Joey? Is that you?”

 

“Aw, man,” Joseph says. “You totally blew my identity.” She-- he? They don't wait to be invited into the house, and instead barge past me. “Sara!” they gasp. “You're not..?” they trail off, eyes wide. “I mean...Scarlet?”

 

I chuckle at them. “We know who she is, chill kid.” Joseph looks slightly frustrated at me for calling them a kid, but I ignore it.  _ Should I? _ I wonder. It was probably a better idea to ask pronouns then continuously guess and offend them. “So...um, kid, pronouns?” I ask.

 

Sara’s mouth drops, and Joseph looks giddy. However, Arian doesn't react. “He/Him,” he says immediately. “Holy...no one ever asks. Sara, you got yourself a keeper,” he says. Sara’s face goes a red as it can with dark skin.

 

“Uh,” I say quietly. Arian steps towards me and wraps an arm around me. I blush when he leaves over and kisses my cheek.  _ Who knew? Angels get jealous.  _

 

“What?” Joseph asks. “What...OH!” They say, the realization coming to him. “You guys are dating...sorry Sare.” 

 

Sara waves it off. “Don't worry about it, Joey. So what are you doing here?”

 

Joseph blushes. “Err...well...I was curious what you were doing here. I heard you guys talking and I followed you...because I thought it was hero stuff?”

 

I chuckle. “Hero stuff? I wouldn't call this hero stuff, but we can always use new teammates. You heard about Jackal?”

 

He nods slowly. “Yeah, who hasn't? He's done a lot of damage.” 

 

Sara chuckles, “And he's got loads of minions. So you up for being apart of the team Jade Rose?” Joseph looks at me, then Arian, and back to Sara.

 

“Uh...well, yeah? I guess? I know Sara, but who are you guys supposed to be? Wait, you asked me for pronouns does that mean you don't use he/him or am I making assumptions again? I don't want to offend you…” Joseph rambles. 

 

I interrupt him. “Calm down kid, your first guess was right. He/him for me...and Arian also uses he/him unless he's got something to tell me,” I say with a glance in his direction; he just shrugs. “I'm Anubis, and Arian is my partner Osiris.”

 

Joseph’s eyes widen. “Holy shit, they've been noted throughout history. I'm-- I'm like your biggest fan. Osiris, are those real wings? They're beautiful. If they're not, how do they work? Anubis, how old are you? You've been around longer than he has...and wow is your hair really blonde? Wasn't it brunette once?” He continues to parade me with questions and Arian looks at me with an amused expression before letting out a quiet laugh. I don't swoon, really.

 

And for once, I actually don't respond. Arian does. “Yeah, they're real,” he says with a smile. “And no idea, Kieran told me to try to fly a couple of nights ago. I guess they work like bird wings? No clue. As for Kieran’s hair...they weren't him. This is the only Kieran here. I'm the only one who's been the same.”

 

“Yep,” I say, affirming Arian’s words, although he could be lying and I wouldn't know, but with his wings, I'd believe it. “So...Joey? Joseph? Joe? Whatever...just tell me what you wanna be called, anyways, there might be a bit of mac and cheese left? If you want some?” Honestly I had no clue, but I didn't want to be rude.

 

Joseph looks back and forth between us sheepishly before Sara steps in, “He's lactose intolerant. No mac and cheese for him.” He looks at her with thanks. “He's also pretty shy without the mask. I swear they're different people, while me? Ha, almost the exact same, I swear.” Joseph nods. “And he's a nerd.” 

 

“Am not!” he protests, hitting Sara lightly on the shoulder. Sara chuckles and lightly hits him back. 

 

Arian stares between Joseph and Sara, watching them play fight with each other. I smile, being reminded of how Arian and I used to be, and I think Arian was too. I wrap my arm around his shoulder and smile at them before Arian turns to look at me with a smile. “OTP,” he whispers, and I let out the loudest laugh possible. Both Sara and Joseph face us.

 

“What?” they ask at the same time. I chuckle again.

 

I let myself enjoy this moment for a bit longer before frowning at the thought this could all end at any second. I didn't know when I'd die. “You just...remind me of us when we were younger...well younger as in last year,” I say quietly before trying to become more upbeat. “You sure you don't like Sara, Joseph?”

 

Joseph goes red. “W-what? N-no,” he defends, glancing at Sara. “Not that she wouldn't be good to date or anything...but nope. Don't like her like that. Nope. Not at all.” 

 

“You're rambling,” Arian tells him. “You sure?” 

 

“He's sure,” Sara snaps, glaring at Arian. “Leave him alone, let's focus on the team. Every minute wasted is another victim. We have four team members against hundreds of Jackal’s minions, and even Jackal himself, possibly even others. And what weapons do you guys use? Guns? So do we. Joseph here can handle a rifle for the distance attacks we'll need, but we definitely need more people who can do long distance. Arian? Kieran? Can you use anything other than a handgun?”

 

I shake my head no. “Barely know how to use the gun I use, Sara.” 

 

Sara gasps. “Kieran! I will teach to use that gun to the best of your ability and others after this is over, for now as long as you're decent it's good enough.”

 

“I'm good. I don't really like guns in the first place,” I say quietly, looking at the ground. “Killing people isn't my thing Sara.”

 

“It's not mine either,” Joseph chimes in. 

 

Arian speaks up next, probably because he isn't taking our shit, “We might not have a choice. Aim to take someone out of a fight, but no aiming to kill.” Sara pouts, but doesn't fight. “If we can do that, there will be minimal casualties.”

 

I nod. “Sounds good. I can do that, and it'll make me feel better about this whole thing. I'd say this settles the ‘team’ meeting for now, right?”

 

“As far as I'm aware,” Arian says with a shrug. “I never did this stuff.” He and I look over to Sara and Joey. They shrug as well. “Okay, team meeting is over. You can stay here so we can get to know each other better, I guess.”

 

“Let's play 20 questions!” I suggest. “No, no,” I say, protesting my own idea. “Truth or dare.” I chuckle, amused with myself.

  
Everyone else groans.


End file.
